I give up.

I can't do it anymore.

I don't have any hope for the future.

Hope is critical. I don't believe in happiness. It has been so long since I have felt it. I have been in pain for so long. I don't believe in goodness. I don't believe in God.

I wish there was a God.

I'd like to think so.

Whatever. I can go on and on but it's all just selfish rambling. Who really cares about me? And if they do care about me, why would they when I don't really care about them? I look at my life and see that I don't really care about people that much. I am often angry at others and have resentment and hatred towards people. I hold grudges all the time - I probably have a million grudges going at any time.

Life isn't free. Life is dark. That is what I have found.

I have heard of Heaven and want to believe it. But I don't think it's for me. And I haven't been able to prove it. I've just heard stories.

The best thing I can tell you is... don't do what I did. And try to forget what I told you. Look for someone who has found joy and love and listen to them.