The following is a story I wrote after returning from a strip joint and thinking of a friend who has a major deformity. It was written in a flash like most of my short stories are. Now I know that typically indicates a spirit is taking over the pen.
I have agonized over this story. I love it but feel that it's so imperfect and probably can't help people too much. But it really meant something to me. I used to cry just thinking about the ending. Now I get creeped out by it and feel shame. My mind is crowded by constructive criticism from my mother and a former girfriend and my own belief that I can't get anything right.
A friend recently asked to see one of my stories. I was going to try to edit the last line of this one and print it out to show her. Now, this crushing feeling of shame for being a failure is stopping me.
Improving this story would probably require more of a time investment than I care to give it now. It needs a fine-toothed comb.
Perhaps in the future, I will republish it after completing some editing. If you have some suggestions or insight, feel free to send me an email at theodorekirkley@gmail.com
For now, I thought I would submit it for your amusement. Included at the very end is my mother's response in email form.
Lila and Edgar
Lila worked in the taverns within the castle gates. She was cursed and bullied by the other maids because she was the most beautiful and would receive the most attention. One day, after being dragged outside and beaten, a ragged boy with one arm came by with a kerchief. He spat in it and dressed the abrasions around her forehead. Lila, in her delirium, thought she was being kissed by the old tavern owner who would often make his way with her. She cursed at the boy and flailed at him. As the boy staggered away, Lila muttered oaths about the revenge she would have against her abusers.
Years and years hence, the boy with one arm grew into a young man known as Edgar. He would clean the laundry for the royal class. He knew all the halls of the castle.
One day, Edgar saw Lila sitting alone with a broken nose, checking for missing teeth. Edgar had been carrying the robes of a prince. Now he put them on, wet his hair, and styled it the best he could. With all the courage he could muster, he straightened himself up and stood before her.
"What is the matter, young woman?" he said, in his most regal voice.
Lila was astonished by the princely-looking man and cowered in fear. Edgar took her arm and patted it. He whispered to her that she would be leaving with him.
Lila could not believe her luck. She followed this young prince in a complete daze. Up a hill they went, far from the gates of the city. The pair sat down and Edgar tore a piece off of his robe and instructed Lila to place it where the blood was flowing from her broken teeth.
It was then Lila noticed that Edgar had only one arm. She knew of none of the royals without an arm. "Who on earth are you?" She asked.
Edgar told her that he was a prince due for the throne. He told her that he was searching for a woman like her to be his bride.
"The day will come when I shall make you a queen. We shall rule over our subjects and we shall throw those who have beaten you to the wolves," Edgar said.
Lila was taken aback. God had granted her a victory by meeting this man. She watched spellbound as he walked toward a nearby farm and spoke to someone. On his return, he told her, "We will be staying over there at the farm until your wounds heal. You need rest and time away from the city below."
Time passed and Lila learned from Edgar of the competition he faced for the throne. He was banished from a life in the castle walls because of a deceitful brother. After so many years working for his cousin, he could return with Lila and claim his rightful place.
Lila was dazzled by his grace and poise. She marveled that someone used to the privileges of royalty could work so diligently in a lowly role. When Edgar asked for her hand in marriage, she obliged without question.
Edgar and Lila worked the farm and the years passed on.
Several children arrived and with them, there was pressure from Edgar's cousin that so many mouths could not be fed. Lila persevered with courteousness through many fights between Edgar and his kin. The time would come, she knew, when she would have her revenge.
Then one day, the cousin threatened the life of her newborn. She ran to Edgar and said they would be leaving straightaway for the castle. This was not the place to raise a royal family. Unfortunately, Edgar had bad news for her. He had visited the Queen and she had told him the time was not yet ripe for his return and they would have to stay longer in their exile. But Edgar spoke in his calm, regal voice once again - that same voice he used when they first met: "My dear Lila, the time is at hand that we shall take our rightly place as rulers of this land. You and I shall sit in the place most high."
Lila worked and tilled the land through the years waiting with anticipation for the day she would be vindicated of her suffering. Edgar instructed her as to the manner and pretense that befitted the office of Queen. He spoke to her about his lineage and gave her stories about his early days running within the castle walls, his training with the sword, his pranks with the priests. Lila was careful to learn all there was and would sing the day away practicing her lessons. The cousin and his family would watch as she walked around the field with an air of uprightness. She would catch his glances and sometimes figured she could hear him laughing. He was a callous and stupid man and Lila would serve him his just desserts on the day of atonement.
The years dragged on and the cousin finally died. This made her fear her old age.
When her young children lost their baby teeth, her tongue would wrap around the place where she had her own teeth beaten out of her. Perhaps one of the servants could draw up new teeth for her or they could consult the magicians in the West that Edgar would talk about. How she loved his stories of travels he had been on. She thought about the journey he once took to a nearby country where he had found the Water of Life which granted youthful skin and excellent health to all who drank it.
One day, her youngest boy was found missing. The whole family sought him out frantically but no one could find him. Edgar assured her he would find him. He went alone to the castle gates. After a day or two, he returned dejected and saddened. Lila could not hold back her fear. She shrieked at him, "Edgar, where is our son? What has happened?"
Edgar looked at her and gulped. He turned away from her but Lila confronted him. "Tell me! What has happened to our son!"
Edgar closed his eyes tight and managed a smile. "Lila, my dear queen. Our son Bruce is with the priests. His grandfather has taken a shine unto him and has entrusted his future as the Commander of the Royal Guard."
Fire lit in Lila's eyes. God had granted them with blessings once again! They were not forsaken. What a wonder it was that in the midst of their pain and suffering, a great prize could be had. For days on end, Lila was under the spell of joy.
It was years later and Lila cooked up a scheme to see her son, Bruce. She picked the finest fruit and made him a holiday pie with grain she had been saving. Edgar had told her not to try and see Bruce because it would hurt their plans but, with trust in her Guiding Spirits, she pressed forward one dark night.
It had been years since she had seen the insides of the city. She would stop and watch the poor in the street. When she was on the throne, she would do something for these people.
She stood for hours in front of the old tavern where she used to work and cried for the maid she once was. She swore the many oaths she had made over the years. The penalty of those inside this house would be great and the tavern would be burned to the ground.
But luck did not shine on Lila when she presented herself to the guards at the castle gates. Repeatedly, she explained that she was the mother of the young man who was destined to be their commander. The guards would not hear her and turned her away.
In the depths of night, she saw an opportunity. As the moon faded behind a cloud and a guard was distracted, carefully, she slipped through the doorway and ran up the court. She sneaked through the inner halls of the castle and looked from room to room. It was not long before she had searched all she could of the castle.
Lila, feeling defeated, sat down on the stately couch near the bed of a young man and woman. These two must be somehow related to her Edgar. She wondered who they were. Suddenly, the years of treachery her husband had experienced filled her mind with ugly thoughts. She thought of how old she had become, all the many years she had waited and waited to no avail.
The young woman in the room awoke to see a ghastly figure with a wicker basket muttering to herself. She screamed in abject horror. The man awoke to her scream and saw the old woman on their couch rocking back and forth. "Great God, a witch! A witch has entered our chambers!"
Lila was shocked to see the man reach for a weapon as the sound of footsteps came down the hall and the doors burst open. As torchlight filled the room, Lila stood up and shouted at the top of her lungs, "My name is Lila, wife of Prince Edgar, the future king! I demand to see my son, Bruce! I command those before me to bring him to me now!"
There was silence in the room and then things happened very quickly. Her wicker basket was taken from her, she was flung to the ground and kicked. Then she was being dragged away. One of the men who held tightly to her wrists mentioned word of the dungeon. She cursed them for their persecution and the tyranny they had beset upon her family. She drew up her most regal voice and proclaimed the judgment that would befall all who opposed her and Edgar.
Then, from the shadows, a small band of dark characters appeared and strong-armed Lila away from her captors. They picked her up and whisked her back through the halls of the castle out into the court and through the gateway. A thin man with one arm appeared at their vanguard. In the excitement, she realized Edgar had come for her. Recognition of the bandits then flooded her awareness and she saw that it was her family taking her back through the streets.
A horde of torch-bearing infantry was in hot pursuit. But her family was too cunning. The buildings and thatched huts of the city blurred past as they made their way. They zigged and zagged and managed to outsmart their foes. It was through a secret exit, that Lila was made to leave the gates of the city. But just before she went through she looked to her side to see an old beggar staring at her with twinkling eyes. Loose skin and tattered clothes could not hide the likeness of the old tavern owner. A toothless mouth grinned at her and bellowed words through laughter, "Lila, you old wench, it's you! But I haven't seen you for years. Is it you making all the ruckus? Why does the Royal Guard give chase?"
A formless fear caught Lila's throat and she could not speak. But Edgar had heard the words of the tavern keeper as he pulled up to their rear. He pushed his family through the gate and dealt with the old beggar. A muffled screech could be heard in the stillness, and a moment later, Edgar emerged and followed his family home..
In the safety of their farmhouse on the top of the hill, time went forward. The days turned into months and the family seemed to ignore Lila more and more. Lila spent mornings on a ledge looking out over the town from her vantage point high above. She thought of Bruce and how he would impress the ladies of court. He really ought to take the place of Edgar when it was time.
The winter months came and a cruel wind drained Lila. She was repaired to her bed with a fever rocking her frame. Awful nightmares were her lot and demons would haunt her slumber. A young angel with fiery eyes would often visit her and whisper to her. He told her his name was Sebastian and he was here to carry her onward. Lila explained that it wasn't her time and their was yet more work to be done. Sebastian listened to her carefully and after many days, he told her that her life had been a lie. With these words, Lila banished him.
It was a calm winter morning when the sun arose from the mountains onto the city below. Lila sat on her ledge watching as the ball of light danced. Edgar came out from the house and sat beside her. He looked at her thin and ravaged body and cried silent tears. Indifferent to him, Lila watched as the ball of flame in the sky grew and a flash of light curled out towards her.
Lila peered ahead as the light danced up, down, and around in a glowing, shifting pattern. It was the angel Sebastian. The angel was coming for her.
Without diverting her gaze, she asked her husband, "Edgar, is it true you have lied to me?"
Edgar was silent for some time as he watched his wife's eyes dance madly. "Lila, when I saw you, I forgot my deformity. I brought you here that you might forget your hate.
Lila turned to Edgar and seemed to see him for the first time. In her mind's eye, she saw a boy with a kerchief in his hand as though a distant memory.
The madness left Lila's eyes and tears began to flow. "Edgar, there is none nobler than you. Kiss me that I may have peace before I go."
I have agonized over this story. I love it but feel that it's so imperfect and probably can't help people too much. But it really meant something to me. I used to cry just thinking about the ending. Now I get creeped out by it and feel shame. My mind is crowded by constructive criticism from my mother and a former girfriend and my own belief that I can't get anything right.
A friend recently asked to see one of my stories. I was going to try to edit the last line of this one and print it out to show her. Now, this crushing feeling of shame for being a failure is stopping me.
Improving this story would probably require more of a time investment than I care to give it now. It needs a fine-toothed comb.
Perhaps in the future, I will republish it after completing some editing. If you have some suggestions or insight, feel free to send me an email at theodorekirkley@gmail.com
For now, I thought I would submit it for your amusement. Included at the very end is my mother's response in email form.
Lila and Edgar
Lila worked in the taverns within the castle gates. She was cursed and bullied by the other maids because she was the most beautiful and would receive the most attention. One day, after being dragged outside and beaten, a ragged boy with one arm came by with a kerchief. He spat in it and dressed the abrasions around her forehead. Lila, in her delirium, thought she was being kissed by the old tavern owner who would often make his way with her. She cursed at the boy and flailed at him. As the boy staggered away, Lila muttered oaths about the revenge she would have against her abusers.
Years and years hence, the boy with one arm grew into a young man known as Edgar. He would clean the laundry for the royal class. He knew all the halls of the castle.
One day, Edgar saw Lila sitting alone with a broken nose, checking for missing teeth. Edgar had been carrying the robes of a prince. Now he put them on, wet his hair, and styled it the best he could. With all the courage he could muster, he straightened himself up and stood before her.
"What is the matter, young woman?" he said, in his most regal voice.
Lila was astonished by the princely-looking man and cowered in fear. Edgar took her arm and patted it. He whispered to her that she would be leaving with him.
Lila could not believe her luck. She followed this young prince in a complete daze. Up a hill they went, far from the gates of the city. The pair sat down and Edgar tore a piece off of his robe and instructed Lila to place it where the blood was flowing from her broken teeth.
It was then Lila noticed that Edgar had only one arm. She knew of none of the royals without an arm. "Who on earth are you?" She asked.
Edgar told her that he was a prince due for the throne. He told her that he was searching for a woman like her to be his bride.
"The day will come when I shall make you a queen. We shall rule over our subjects and we shall throw those who have beaten you to the wolves," Edgar said.
Lila was taken aback. God had granted her a victory by meeting this man. She watched spellbound as he walked toward a nearby farm and spoke to someone. On his return, he told her, "We will be staying over there at the farm until your wounds heal. You need rest and time away from the city below."
Time passed and Lila learned from Edgar of the competition he faced for the throne. He was banished from a life in the castle walls because of a deceitful brother. After so many years working for his cousin, he could return with Lila and claim his rightful place.
Lila was dazzled by his grace and poise. She marveled that someone used to the privileges of royalty could work so diligently in a lowly role. When Edgar asked for her hand in marriage, she obliged without question.
Edgar and Lila worked the farm and the years passed on.
Several children arrived and with them, there was pressure from Edgar's cousin that so many mouths could not be fed. Lila persevered with courteousness through many fights between Edgar and his kin. The time would come, she knew, when she would have her revenge.
Then one day, the cousin threatened the life of her newborn. She ran to Edgar and said they would be leaving straightaway for the castle. This was not the place to raise a royal family. Unfortunately, Edgar had bad news for her. He had visited the Queen and she had told him the time was not yet ripe for his return and they would have to stay longer in their exile. But Edgar spoke in his calm, regal voice once again - that same voice he used when they first met: "My dear Lila, the time is at hand that we shall take our rightly place as rulers of this land. You and I shall sit in the place most high."
Lila worked and tilled the land through the years waiting with anticipation for the day she would be vindicated of her suffering. Edgar instructed her as to the manner and pretense that befitted the office of Queen. He spoke to her about his lineage and gave her stories about his early days running within the castle walls, his training with the sword, his pranks with the priests. Lila was careful to learn all there was and would sing the day away practicing her lessons. The cousin and his family would watch as she walked around the field with an air of uprightness. She would catch his glances and sometimes figured she could hear him laughing. He was a callous and stupid man and Lila would serve him his just desserts on the day of atonement.
The years dragged on and the cousin finally died. This made her fear her old age.
When her young children lost their baby teeth, her tongue would wrap around the place where she had her own teeth beaten out of her. Perhaps one of the servants could draw up new teeth for her or they could consult the magicians in the West that Edgar would talk about. How she loved his stories of travels he had been on. She thought about the journey he once took to a nearby country where he had found the Water of Life which granted youthful skin and excellent health to all who drank it.
One day, her youngest boy was found missing. The whole family sought him out frantically but no one could find him. Edgar assured her he would find him. He went alone to the castle gates. After a day or two, he returned dejected and saddened. Lila could not hold back her fear. She shrieked at him, "Edgar, where is our son? What has happened?"
Edgar looked at her and gulped. He turned away from her but Lila confronted him. "Tell me! What has happened to our son!"
Edgar closed his eyes tight and managed a smile. "Lila, my dear queen. Our son Bruce is with the priests. His grandfather has taken a shine unto him and has entrusted his future as the Commander of the Royal Guard."
Fire lit in Lila's eyes. God had granted them with blessings once again! They were not forsaken. What a wonder it was that in the midst of their pain and suffering, a great prize could be had. For days on end, Lila was under the spell of joy.
It was years later and Lila cooked up a scheme to see her son, Bruce. She picked the finest fruit and made him a holiday pie with grain she had been saving. Edgar had told her not to try and see Bruce because it would hurt their plans but, with trust in her Guiding Spirits, she pressed forward one dark night.
It had been years since she had seen the insides of the city. She would stop and watch the poor in the street. When she was on the throne, she would do something for these people.
She stood for hours in front of the old tavern where she used to work and cried for the maid she once was. She swore the many oaths she had made over the years. The penalty of those inside this house would be great and the tavern would be burned to the ground.
But luck did not shine on Lila when she presented herself to the guards at the castle gates. Repeatedly, she explained that she was the mother of the young man who was destined to be their commander. The guards would not hear her and turned her away.
In the depths of night, she saw an opportunity. As the moon faded behind a cloud and a guard was distracted, carefully, she slipped through the doorway and ran up the court. She sneaked through the inner halls of the castle and looked from room to room. It was not long before she had searched all she could of the castle.
Lila, feeling defeated, sat down on the stately couch near the bed of a young man and woman. These two must be somehow related to her Edgar. She wondered who they were. Suddenly, the years of treachery her husband had experienced filled her mind with ugly thoughts. She thought of how old she had become, all the many years she had waited and waited to no avail.
The young woman in the room awoke to see a ghastly figure with a wicker basket muttering to herself. She screamed in abject horror. The man awoke to her scream and saw the old woman on their couch rocking back and forth. "Great God, a witch! A witch has entered our chambers!"
Lila was shocked to see the man reach for a weapon as the sound of footsteps came down the hall and the doors burst open. As torchlight filled the room, Lila stood up and shouted at the top of her lungs, "My name is Lila, wife of Prince Edgar, the future king! I demand to see my son, Bruce! I command those before me to bring him to me now!"
There was silence in the room and then things happened very quickly. Her wicker basket was taken from her, she was flung to the ground and kicked. Then she was being dragged away. One of the men who held tightly to her wrists mentioned word of the dungeon. She cursed them for their persecution and the tyranny they had beset upon her family. She drew up her most regal voice and proclaimed the judgment that would befall all who opposed her and Edgar.
Then, from the shadows, a small band of dark characters appeared and strong-armed Lila away from her captors. They picked her up and whisked her back through the halls of the castle out into the court and through the gateway. A thin man with one arm appeared at their vanguard. In the excitement, she realized Edgar had come for her. Recognition of the bandits then flooded her awareness and she saw that it was her family taking her back through the streets.
A horde of torch-bearing infantry was in hot pursuit. But her family was too cunning. The buildings and thatched huts of the city blurred past as they made their way. They zigged and zagged and managed to outsmart their foes. It was through a secret exit, that Lila was made to leave the gates of the city. But just before she went through she looked to her side to see an old beggar staring at her with twinkling eyes. Loose skin and tattered clothes could not hide the likeness of the old tavern owner. A toothless mouth grinned at her and bellowed words through laughter, "Lila, you old wench, it's you! But I haven't seen you for years. Is it you making all the ruckus? Why does the Royal Guard give chase?"
A formless fear caught Lila's throat and she could not speak. But Edgar had heard the words of the tavern keeper as he pulled up to their rear. He pushed his family through the gate and dealt with the old beggar. A muffled screech could be heard in the stillness, and a moment later, Edgar emerged and followed his family home..
In the safety of their farmhouse on the top of the hill, time went forward. The days turned into months and the family seemed to ignore Lila more and more. Lila spent mornings on a ledge looking out over the town from her vantage point high above. She thought of Bruce and how he would impress the ladies of court. He really ought to take the place of Edgar when it was time.
The winter months came and a cruel wind drained Lila. She was repaired to her bed with a fever rocking her frame. Awful nightmares were her lot and demons would haunt her slumber. A young angel with fiery eyes would often visit her and whisper to her. He told her his name was Sebastian and he was here to carry her onward. Lila explained that it wasn't her time and their was yet more work to be done. Sebastian listened to her carefully and after many days, he told her that her life had been a lie. With these words, Lila banished him.
It was a calm winter morning when the sun arose from the mountains onto the city below. Lila sat on her ledge watching as the ball of light danced. Edgar came out from the house and sat beside her. He looked at her thin and ravaged body and cried silent tears. Indifferent to him, Lila watched as the ball of flame in the sky grew and a flash of light curled out towards her.
Lila peered ahead as the light danced up, down, and around in a glowing, shifting pattern. It was the angel Sebastian. The angel was coming for her.
Without diverting her gaze, she asked her husband, "Edgar, is it true you have lied to me?"
Edgar was silent for some time as he watched his wife's eyes dance madly. "Lila, when I saw you, I forgot my deformity. I brought you here that you might forget your hate.
Lila turned to Edgar and seemed to see him for the first time. In her mind's eye, she saw a boy with a kerchief in his hand as though a distant memory.
The madness left Lila's eyes and tears began to flow. "Edgar, there is none nobler than you. Kiss me that I may have peace before I go."
From my mother:
Well Theo, do you want me to tell truthfully of what I think of that story?
In my view, it cannot be well understood by the peers in your generation, because it involves another dimension; the need to achieve forgiveness before passing into the great beyond. This is an entirely religious concept, not mainstream. Would it be welcome if not understood at first view? probably not, because it is so exceedingly somber. It does remind me of another one that you wrote a long time ago under a similar theme, a lie, supposedly made up for someone's benefit.
The lie here is perpetrated during an entire lifetime. But the benefit is not quite perceived as such. This woman went through hell and the benefit of it in my view is not convincing. After marrying that fake prince, the truth would have threatened to come to the surface as it invariably does in real life. So the husband ought to have confessed to his wife that due to her immaturity, he had to make such a big fat lie and kept to it as for dear life. Waiting till her last hours on this earth to reveal the truth? It is still a lie and the fact that he did not trust her enough to come out clean is telling of the level of their mutual trust. In other words, he feared that she would reject him and she might be so enthused with herself to accept that revelation and buy it. This trick so long sustained worked to marry those two who did not have another common base to tie the knot otherwise. In my view, these are both anti-heroes, her pride and his determination to pick her as his wife... not the qualities that we habitually prize among lovers. Besides, the level of abuse she is enduring is so terrible that few minds would revel in the enumeration of traumas that she goes through, unless of course these readers are sick in their mind. In France, we call that "genre" black novels (romans noirs), or sorry stories for certain types of individuals. It feels a bit unreal, detached from reality. Even the conclusion does not warrant the series of miseries that these two must have endured and that forgiveness "thing" does not get bought easily by the reader. It is a bit cheap! ... too gross to swallow. There are no dialogs, no close encounters with the main characters. The reader does not "feel" for them. The aloofness with which it is narrated prevents that sort of closeness, and is reminiscent of the old legends that patriarchs and matriarchs would tell by the fireplace on a windy and snowy winter night! The wife does not even ask about the fate of her lost son on her death bed as if it had lost all importance. Therefore, the characters lack of humanity and substance.
Style of writing? I am not trained in the English language naturally and it would be difficult for me to emit any sort of judgment as I ignore most simple rules. I do not know enough to speak about it. But in general, the reading is easy to do, and perhaps rather flowing.
If you want to make stories that you would keep in your memories, that is a fine example, but marketing them is another ..."story" literally.
Date: Fri, 8 Apr 2016 13:14:03
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