When I was growing up in the Unification Church, I was taught to live for the sake of others. I always questioned that. Now I know why.
Let me break down that statement.
First, I will say that a lot of my current thinking has been influenced by the Divine Truth teachings. For more information about Jesus and Mary Magdalene who have reincarnated on the Earth, or their teachings, go to DivineTruth.com or visit their Youtube channel at Youtube.com/wizardshak
"Live for the sake of others." Basically there are two things wrong with that. First, you must not live for anyone else. Your life is your own. It is a gift from God. It is your primary gift - for if you were not alive, you would not have the opportunity of experience. It does not make logical sense that we were created primarily in order to serve others.
The second problem is what it would mean to live for others. It sets up a problem of endless circulation. Sarah must care for Evan who must care for Tetyana who must care for Sarah. And if one didn't want to, it all breaks down.
Every human being has obvious needs. We require a safe place to rest our head at night, nourishing food, and a means to protect our bodies from harmful weather. That means that God intended that we obtain certain things for basic survival. We cannot rely on others to furnish these things for ourselves in perpetuity. Therefore, God intends that each individual learn self-care.
The same goes for spiritual things like comforting environs, access to beautiful nature, access to artistic works, the enriching company of others, the chance to develop a romance with our soulmates, and, most important and meaningful of all, the opportunity to build a relationship with our loving Creator. If we spend all of our time fulfilling the needs and desires of others, we leave no time to accomplish these other important spiritual attainments.
The problem would be solved if the slogan was changed to something like the following:
"Live for yourself first, and love others as yourself."
That is the correct prioritization.
It may seem funny to some that I am stressing this simple point. But to me, it is not only profound, but many have fallen prey to the oppressive weight of the selflessness doctrine. My parents' generation addictively sought to practice this doctrine, spending all their time in church work, or what they called "missionary work." It was particularly destructive for the Japanese church members who were accustomed to devoting themselves recklessly to the detriment of their own spiritual growth.
The reversal of the doctrine into "Live for yourself first, and love others as yourself," makes one significant implication. It is YOU that must be the priority in your life and no one else.
And what fortune will we find when we drink from this wellspring? We start to take responsibility over our own lives. We blame others less. We get our affairs in order. We hold ourselves accountable when we are accountable. When we are not accountable for an error, we attribute it to the individual who failed to take responsibility. We start to direct our path instead of relying on others.
In short, we begin to grow.
And what should happen when we grow? The results of personal growth are that we now can teach and even HELP other people with the benefit of a higher perspective. We won't intrude upon others' responsibility thereby allowing them to set their own course.
This hits close to home for me as my mother would often finish my big school projects the day before. I would always wait until the last minute to do the important work. There I would be at 10 pm. Inevitably my mother would find me and ask what the matter was. I would tell her the truth despairingly, she would learn about the objectives of the project, and then tell me to go to sleep. It might take her until 4 am but she would get it done. She lost sleep over it but it was ready in the morning for me.
If my mother lived for her own sake first, she would come down at 10 pm and say, "Well Theo, this is what happens when you don't prepare. You'll just have to tell your teacher the truth." I would then do so and face the consequences. But whatever the outcome, I would be better off having taken responsibility for my actions.
The loving potential of every one of us is to discovery our own self. As the famous oracle said, "Know thyself and to thine own self be true." Far from the Buddhist principle of detachment from self, we would work to understand our nature and personality if we embraced this virtue. Meanwhile, seeking out true morality, we would look for the purpose and meaning of our life, cultivating integrity and noticing the consequences of our actions. Every step we take in finding and living our passion whether that's hairdressing or painting or logistics or farming, we receive a positive benefit. Every time we act in fear, we experience a negative consequence. We would learn that we are a whole person - a person with self-agency on a journey of discovery. The gifts we may receive from God on this journey abound.
Finally, let me explain the title of this post. I entitled this "Selflessness is Selfish" for the following reasons.
The truth is, if we live for other people, we are acting selfishly. That is because our primary purpose MUST be living for ourselves. We can serve others but we are never meant to be servile to others. Nonetheless, you see this behavior everywhere.
I gave one example with my mother already. She would frequently clean up after us. I was never forced to do any housework. And there were no negative consequences for me lazying about all day. Is it any wonder that I have continued in that behavior to this very day?
We see examples of mothers hopelessly attached to their children everywhere. It's often the same for fathers. "We can't go to McDonald's today, ok?" "No, you can't have that candy bar this time, ok?"
Hold up. Why are you asking for permission? It's your money and your responsibility to manage it wisely and lovingly. It shouldn't even be up for discussion!
Another example: just this morning I spoke with a grandmother and we were talking about picking up overtime shifts at work. For me, it was for the new cell phone I was getting. For her, it was for her kids and grandkids. She had to, she told me. I get it for her grandchildren. But for her children? Why are they not self-sustainable at this point? That is the bigger question. Something tells me that she wants to play the caregiver.
And what about the search for love? Many people claim their life will not be complete until they find a romantic partner. Or for those who have found a romantic partner, they claim their life was not complete until then. That means they experienced despair and depression before they found their partner. The only reason why they would not feel the same despair and depression now is because they are in a co-dependant relationship. They are now fulfilling the addictive desires of the other and getting their own addictive desires met. None of that is loving. And therefore none of that can be ultimately fulfilling.
It is the same for the Unification Church members I grew up with. The ones who lived in perpetual servitude to others did not have a strong sense of themselves. This also goes for workaholics.
SO. Here's the rub: there can be ONLY ONE reason someone would act selfLESSly.
Oh, I should also say that this goes for sacrificing too. No sacrifice is loving. I haven't quite figured out all the ins and outs of that but that is what Jesus has said and it makes sense to me. But I am still ironing it out.
But yeah, the only reason one would act selflessly.... is to.... cover their pain.
We humans are simple creatures. The bulk of our pain is what Jesus calls grief and fear. The way we hide these emotions is by carrying out all manner of varying addictions day in and day out. Whether its excessive sports game watching, coffee-drinking, or any kind of emotional addiction we play out with our parents, friends, children, co-workers or strangers. We are playing out addictions all the time. Forget the expression, "Well, I have an addictive personality, you see."
Uh - yeah! We all do!
So if we're doing the workaholic thing of living for the sake of others it can only be for the selfish reason of ignoring our own pain. And I'm not mincing words here. It IS selfish to ignore your own pain. As Jesus would say, "You're doing all kinds of damage with your addiction." That is because every desire in your heart is transmitted in the soul universe that surrounds the spirit and physical realms. If you say, "I WANT MORE CHOCOLATE ON THE CHEAP!" well, now you get Aldis and Walmarts and Costcos everywhere - these big, hulking, ugly box warehouses littering the world map. Every unloving desire causes harm - especially when we act upon it.
The point is to stop following our unloving desires. When we do that, they are exposed... as are the fear and sadness.
These emotions exist in our soul. Right now, our beautiful souls are full of trash, chimney soot, rotting garbage, and other debris. All these ugly emotions work as blockages. Our souls are like clogged arteries. Festering wounds also comes to mind. I can think of a lot of metaphors today.
Anyway you get what I'm saying.
I didn't know I would write this much today. Sorry to be so wordy. That's the main thing I wanted to say. It all came to me in one of those epiphanies - either from God or from a loving spirit. Anyway, thanks very much to whoever gave it to me!
Selflessness is selfish because we are meant to develop our selves, not ignore our selves for someone else's benefit. Service to others should be an enriching act. We should not lose anything in the transaction of giving. Give your excess to others.
I'm not sure how that works to be completely honest.
Some questions I still have:
1. If it's freezing outside and you only have one coat, do you give it to someone else who also needs a coat? Maybe only if you know that God will bless you with another or you have enough money for another coat. I once left a favorite coat in some bushes hoping no one would see it. Someone who needed it and appreciated it just as much as I did actually found it. I ran up to him and asked for it back but felt bad in the process.
2. In the book Through the Mists by Robert James Lees, Fred ends his life in an attempt to save the life of a child who walks in front of a carriage. They both end up dying under the hooves of the horses. In the first century Jesus said, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." Uh, what? So if I see that someone might die by getting hit by a bus... should I jump in front, pushing them out of my way in hopes of saving them? Perhaps.
If you have a good answer to either of these questions, please email me at theodorekirkley@gmail.com
Ok, I'm really going to end this post now - I promise. (lol, and I almost never make any promises)
I cannot end this post before pointing out a higher truth. That truth is how important God is in your life.
God is our loving Parent. He/She loves you and I more than we currently can even attempt to understand. That is because we are not developed enough yet. But we can get there. Every new piece of wisdom and truth comes with the reception of God's love. For instance, I was once receiving God's love and thinking about how horrible animals are treated - how we often slit their necks or even rip open their intestines or kill them with a bolt gun or poke them with an electric prod or other various horrors all to feed our disgusting desire for their flesh. I often get fanatically concerned with such things... all the while ignoring the way I treat myself....
The way I spend my days carelessly lying around pumping my brain with other people's youtube content half of which I listen to, how I shove food down my throat till my stomach hurts, how I eat lying down, how I never lift a finger to pursue my passions or find work I might enjoy, how I wallow in fear and blame of others rather than taking any personal initiative or how I waste away the hours thinking about another addiction I could meet instead of feeling my fear and sadness. As I was contemplating the pain we inflict upon cows, chicken, pigs, and other animals, I was suddenly struck with the lack of care for my own self. I am, after all, God's own child. I have free will, a complex soul, passions, desires. Why would I hurt myself?
I haven't worked through it all yet but hopefully I can grow to feel more compassion for myself.
Jesus tells us that we learn the most the fastest when we seek God's wisdom and guidance in our lives. That is besides the wonderful blessing we receive when we feel God's love for us. This, of course, cannot ultimately be translated into human language.
So please, I implore you, seek a relationship with our Parent!
Jesus once wrote down a list of the people and things we should prioritize in our life:
1. God (our Heavenly Parent)
2. Ourselves (including our soulmate)
3. Everyone else (all our brothers and sisters in the universe)
4. The environment (including all the animals)
I think that's a great list.
So perhaps we should say...
Love God first, love yourself, love others.
Let me break down that statement.
First, I will say that a lot of my current thinking has been influenced by the Divine Truth teachings. For more information about Jesus and Mary Magdalene who have reincarnated on the Earth, or their teachings, go to DivineTruth.com or visit their Youtube channel at Youtube.com/wizardshak
"Live for the sake of others." Basically there are two things wrong with that. First, you must not live for anyone else. Your life is your own. It is a gift from God. It is your primary gift - for if you were not alive, you would not have the opportunity of experience. It does not make logical sense that we were created primarily in order to serve others.
The second problem is what it would mean to live for others. It sets up a problem of endless circulation. Sarah must care for Evan who must care for Tetyana who must care for Sarah. And if one didn't want to, it all breaks down.
Every human being has obvious needs. We require a safe place to rest our head at night, nourishing food, and a means to protect our bodies from harmful weather. That means that God intended that we obtain certain things for basic survival. We cannot rely on others to furnish these things for ourselves in perpetuity. Therefore, God intends that each individual learn self-care.
The same goes for spiritual things like comforting environs, access to beautiful nature, access to artistic works, the enriching company of others, the chance to develop a romance with our soulmates, and, most important and meaningful of all, the opportunity to build a relationship with our loving Creator. If we spend all of our time fulfilling the needs and desires of others, we leave no time to accomplish these other important spiritual attainments.
The problem would be solved if the slogan was changed to something like the following:
"Live for yourself first, and love others as yourself."
That is the correct prioritization.
It may seem funny to some that I am stressing this simple point. But to me, it is not only profound, but many have fallen prey to the oppressive weight of the selflessness doctrine. My parents' generation addictively sought to practice this doctrine, spending all their time in church work, or what they called "missionary work." It was particularly destructive for the Japanese church members who were accustomed to devoting themselves recklessly to the detriment of their own spiritual growth.
The reversal of the doctrine into "Live for yourself first, and love others as yourself," makes one significant implication. It is YOU that must be the priority in your life and no one else.
And what fortune will we find when we drink from this wellspring? We start to take responsibility over our own lives. We blame others less. We get our affairs in order. We hold ourselves accountable when we are accountable. When we are not accountable for an error, we attribute it to the individual who failed to take responsibility. We start to direct our path instead of relying on others.
In short, we begin to grow.
And what should happen when we grow? The results of personal growth are that we now can teach and even HELP other people with the benefit of a higher perspective. We won't intrude upon others' responsibility thereby allowing them to set their own course.
This hits close to home for me as my mother would often finish my big school projects the day before. I would always wait until the last minute to do the important work. There I would be at 10 pm. Inevitably my mother would find me and ask what the matter was. I would tell her the truth despairingly, she would learn about the objectives of the project, and then tell me to go to sleep. It might take her until 4 am but she would get it done. She lost sleep over it but it was ready in the morning for me.
If my mother lived for her own sake first, she would come down at 10 pm and say, "Well Theo, this is what happens when you don't prepare. You'll just have to tell your teacher the truth." I would then do so and face the consequences. But whatever the outcome, I would be better off having taken responsibility for my actions.
The loving potential of every one of us is to discovery our own self. As the famous oracle said, "Know thyself and to thine own self be true." Far from the Buddhist principle of detachment from self, we would work to understand our nature and personality if we embraced this virtue. Meanwhile, seeking out true morality, we would look for the purpose and meaning of our life, cultivating integrity and noticing the consequences of our actions. Every step we take in finding and living our passion whether that's hairdressing or painting or logistics or farming, we receive a positive benefit. Every time we act in fear, we experience a negative consequence. We would learn that we are a whole person - a person with self-agency on a journey of discovery. The gifts we may receive from God on this journey abound.
Finally, let me explain the title of this post. I entitled this "Selflessness is Selfish" for the following reasons.
The truth is, if we live for other people, we are acting selfishly. That is because our primary purpose MUST be living for ourselves. We can serve others but we are never meant to be servile to others. Nonetheless, you see this behavior everywhere.
I gave one example with my mother already. She would frequently clean up after us. I was never forced to do any housework. And there were no negative consequences for me lazying about all day. Is it any wonder that I have continued in that behavior to this very day?
We see examples of mothers hopelessly attached to their children everywhere. It's often the same for fathers. "We can't go to McDonald's today, ok?" "No, you can't have that candy bar this time, ok?"
Hold up. Why are you asking for permission? It's your money and your responsibility to manage it wisely and lovingly. It shouldn't even be up for discussion!
Another example: just this morning I spoke with a grandmother and we were talking about picking up overtime shifts at work. For me, it was for the new cell phone I was getting. For her, it was for her kids and grandkids. She had to, she told me. I get it for her grandchildren. But for her children? Why are they not self-sustainable at this point? That is the bigger question. Something tells me that she wants to play the caregiver.
And what about the search for love? Many people claim their life will not be complete until they find a romantic partner. Or for those who have found a romantic partner, they claim their life was not complete until then. That means they experienced despair and depression before they found their partner. The only reason why they would not feel the same despair and depression now is because they are in a co-dependant relationship. They are now fulfilling the addictive desires of the other and getting their own addictive desires met. None of that is loving. And therefore none of that can be ultimately fulfilling.
It is the same for the Unification Church members I grew up with. The ones who lived in perpetual servitude to others did not have a strong sense of themselves. This also goes for workaholics.
SO. Here's the rub: there can be ONLY ONE reason someone would act selfLESSly.
Oh, I should also say that this goes for sacrificing too. No sacrifice is loving. I haven't quite figured out all the ins and outs of that but that is what Jesus has said and it makes sense to me. But I am still ironing it out.
But yeah, the only reason one would act selflessly.... is to.... cover their pain.
We humans are simple creatures. The bulk of our pain is what Jesus calls grief and fear. The way we hide these emotions is by carrying out all manner of varying addictions day in and day out. Whether its excessive sports game watching, coffee-drinking, or any kind of emotional addiction we play out with our parents, friends, children, co-workers or strangers. We are playing out addictions all the time. Forget the expression, "Well, I have an addictive personality, you see."
Uh - yeah! We all do!
So if we're doing the workaholic thing of living for the sake of others it can only be for the selfish reason of ignoring our own pain. And I'm not mincing words here. It IS selfish to ignore your own pain. As Jesus would say, "You're doing all kinds of damage with your addiction." That is because every desire in your heart is transmitted in the soul universe that surrounds the spirit and physical realms. If you say, "I WANT MORE CHOCOLATE ON THE CHEAP!" well, now you get Aldis and Walmarts and Costcos everywhere - these big, hulking, ugly box warehouses littering the world map. Every unloving desire causes harm - especially when we act upon it.
The point is to stop following our unloving desires. When we do that, they are exposed... as are the fear and sadness.
These emotions exist in our soul. Right now, our beautiful souls are full of trash, chimney soot, rotting garbage, and other debris. All these ugly emotions work as blockages. Our souls are like clogged arteries. Festering wounds also comes to mind. I can think of a lot of metaphors today.
Anyway you get what I'm saying.
I didn't know I would write this much today. Sorry to be so wordy. That's the main thing I wanted to say. It all came to me in one of those epiphanies - either from God or from a loving spirit. Anyway, thanks very much to whoever gave it to me!
Selflessness is selfish because we are meant to develop our selves, not ignore our selves for someone else's benefit. Service to others should be an enriching act. We should not lose anything in the transaction of giving. Give your excess to others.
I'm not sure how that works to be completely honest.
Some questions I still have:
1. If it's freezing outside and you only have one coat, do you give it to someone else who also needs a coat? Maybe only if you know that God will bless you with another or you have enough money for another coat. I once left a favorite coat in some bushes hoping no one would see it. Someone who needed it and appreciated it just as much as I did actually found it. I ran up to him and asked for it back but felt bad in the process.
2. In the book Through the Mists by Robert James Lees, Fred ends his life in an attempt to save the life of a child who walks in front of a carriage. They both end up dying under the hooves of the horses. In the first century Jesus said, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." Uh, what? So if I see that someone might die by getting hit by a bus... should I jump in front, pushing them out of my way in hopes of saving them? Perhaps.
If you have a good answer to either of these questions, please email me at theodorekirkley@gmail.com
Ok, I'm really going to end this post now - I promise. (lol, and I almost never make any promises)
I cannot end this post before pointing out a higher truth. That truth is how important God is in your life.
God is our loving Parent. He/She loves you and I more than we currently can even attempt to understand. That is because we are not developed enough yet. But we can get there. Every new piece of wisdom and truth comes with the reception of God's love. For instance, I was once receiving God's love and thinking about how horrible animals are treated - how we often slit their necks or even rip open their intestines or kill them with a bolt gun or poke them with an electric prod or other various horrors all to feed our disgusting desire for their flesh. I often get fanatically concerned with such things... all the while ignoring the way I treat myself....
The way I spend my days carelessly lying around pumping my brain with other people's youtube content half of which I listen to, how I shove food down my throat till my stomach hurts, how I eat lying down, how I never lift a finger to pursue my passions or find work I might enjoy, how I wallow in fear and blame of others rather than taking any personal initiative or how I waste away the hours thinking about another addiction I could meet instead of feeling my fear and sadness. As I was contemplating the pain we inflict upon cows, chicken, pigs, and other animals, I was suddenly struck with the lack of care for my own self. I am, after all, God's own child. I have free will, a complex soul, passions, desires. Why would I hurt myself?
I haven't worked through it all yet but hopefully I can grow to feel more compassion for myself.
Jesus tells us that we learn the most the fastest when we seek God's wisdom and guidance in our lives. That is besides the wonderful blessing we receive when we feel God's love for us. This, of course, cannot ultimately be translated into human language.
So please, I implore you, seek a relationship with our Parent!
Jesus once wrote down a list of the people and things we should prioritize in our life:
1. God (our Heavenly Parent)
2. Ourselves (including our soulmate)
3. Everyone else (all our brothers and sisters in the universe)
4. The environment (including all the animals)
I think that's a great list.
So perhaps we should say...
Love God first, love yourself, love others.
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