This is the second of 3 speeches given to members of the Unitarian Universalist Church of Fargo-Moorhead.
Marriage in the Unification Church
One fine evening in the fall, my dad was driving me in silence back to my private high school. I sought to break the stillness of the long ride with a single question that might spark interesting conversation. Under the glow of the setting sun, with ribbons of highway stretched before us, and lush autumnal colors drifting past, I asked my father, "Dad, when will I start growing hair on my face?" His answer was so deliberate, strange, and surprising, there could be no response from a boy of 13: "When your dick stands up at night." After my initial shock dissipated, fury began to well up in me. I sat beside him raging inwardly with a thousand unutterable, unfathomable, unreasonable rebukes.
Further back still, in early middle school, I brought a couple of words to my mother that needed explanation. You see the kids in school were throwing fits over them and I was the numbnuts that still had no idea. When I asked her what "orgasm" was, a shadow passed over her face and she deflected. Pressing on, I tried asking her what "rape" meant. She told me it was the worst thing you could ever do.
The sex education I received as a growing boy was sparse. In fifth grade, when Mrs. Greenhouse excused the class for a special lesson in the auditorium, she told me I was to stay behind. Bemused and confused, I sat there drawing at my desk. When my classmates returned it was hard to judge their behavior. They each carried a new deodorant, a disgusted frown on their face, and an impeccable desire to be as far away from each other as possible.
There was some sunlight in this dreary world of misunderstanding, however. One summer in my early teens, I enlisted with the Pure Love Alliance. It was an organization that taught the meaning of pure love to young 2nd Generation Unification Church kids. We all took a plane to the middle of America and toured the U.S.A. on buses, stopping here to have a workshop, sports, and activities; stopping there to paint signs for a march. We walked the streets of America's cities shouting "One Love, One Life, One Man, One Wife." After the band played, I remember my sister getting up in front of the crowd, with her heart-shaped cut-out from red-colored paper. Zestfully, she spoke, "Every time you have a relationship with someone you won't marry, a piece of your heart is broken." She ripped a piece of the heart and let it fall to the ground. She suggested names of figurative boyfriends and girlfriends, and tore another piece off the heart with each utterance. When she was finished, there was a small, mangled piece of paper. "Is this what you want to give your husband or wife?"
But there was a great cause for distraction on the bus rides. Her name was Daniela and she had bounding golden hair. Whenever she was near, powerful urges were not far either. All I knew was that her family were missionaries in Uruguay.
Imagine my surprise one evening seasons later when she danced blissfully through the kitchen where I and three other roommates ate our dinner at my boarding school in Connecticut. "Great Scott," I thought. It couldn't be. But indeed it was.
I found a reason one day to give her a gift. I had a picture of the True Parents, Reverend and Mrs. Sun Myung Moon. That, and a nice note was my birthday gift to her. At the time, it felt wrong to give her this. It wasn't my place to make friends with "sisters." They stood on the other side of the classroom. Us "brothers" sat on our side. Regardless, I was delighted one day when I received a note in return. Daniela said she loved my gift and invited me to listen to a CD of love songs by Bryan Adams, the ultimate modern-day crooner. Had I died and gone to heaven?
The middle ground for this lascivious friendship was the hot new trend that was sweeping the nation: electronic mail... or e-mail. I would run to the computer room after school was finished and look and see if Daniela had returned my latest email. Indeed she had and the correspondence was profound. Weeks vanished as we bled our souls out on email, both of us remaining very civil and discussing only kosher topics. I didn't know how she felt, but I was over the friggin moon. I even composed a song over my feelings for her:
[black skies, blue eyes, purple sunrise, melt down every time I see your sweet-
black skies, blue eyes, purple sunrise, melt down every time I see your sweet-
Time passed and we stretched apart. I kept up with her sparingly. When I went on my trip to South Korea, I made friends with another Blessed Child named Hero Hernandez. His Dad was an American of Mexican descent and his mother was Japanese. One night he regaled me about a sister in the church he was talking to online. When he told me her name was Daniela, my heart sank.
As a young man growing up in the Unification Church, I knew I should not have lustful thoughts towards another woman. One day I would be matched and blessed to another 2nd Generation sister who would become my wife.
In the tradition I was raised, we were taught that sex was a sacred act of love that was meant to be performed only within the bounds of a married couple. It was a gift specially designed by God and given to his faithful children. In the sexual act, when man and woman were united in a loving relationship, God was at the center. When Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, "Let this cup pass from me," we were taught that he gave up his mission to find a spouse and usher in a new age with a wife and a family that would be the example of love to future generations. According to Unification Church Scripture, God's holy lineage wound its way to the fertile land of Korea, to a people whose stout hearts, rich culture, and suffering history could welcome a new Messiah. Sun Myung Moon, forging a perilous path to finally meet his spouse and raise a True Family, could stand as the True Parent of Humankind.
The story was so profound. The man was so charismatic. He exuded confidence and strength. I wonder to this day how truly he believed it. He certainly fooled me. I still think, if he believes he was right, perhaps the power of his belief is enough and no man can, with dignity, stand in his way.
Well, so it was that the path was laid out. All we had to do was follow it.
My mother walked into a room some 40 years ago in the heart of Manhattan. There were five men standing before her. Four of them were Japanese and they all held grim, stern expressions. On the very left was a short white man with a wide grin on his face. True Father told her to choose her eternal spouse. She pointed to the American and figured, "Well, maybe he'll keep life fun."
The way my French mother and American father were matched was unusual. Sun Myung Moon typically matched two people together in a mass ceremony after only looking over their faces. An older First Generation member once told me he had had a Spiritual Experience where he witnessed ribbons of colored light bouncing between people who would subsequently be matched together.
The Blessing Ceremony was our term for marriage. The married were known as Blessed Couples, their children were known as Blessed Children or "BC's" for short. BC's had the special privilege of being born without the original sin of the Fall.
In the Church there were 4 sins. Original Sin was carried with you when you were born because Adam and Eve were your ancestors. Ancestral Sin were sins your ancestors committed that is carried with you and you must pay for in your life. Collective Sin was the sin you were stained with by being part of a group that committed a sinful act while you did nothing to stop it. And Individual Sin was the sin one could accumulate over the course of their life. Indemnity was a term that meant the suffering one goes through in life as they try to pay for their sins. In the Ideal World, The Kingdom of Heaven on Earth, there was no sin. Us Unification Church members were trying very hard to welcome Its arrival.
My mother and father were blessed in a room which carried people from all parts of the globe. The Unification Movement was becoming a force to be reckoned with as members went to bear witness to the Second Coming of Christ in our time to all four corners of the world. When people asked why Moon married people from such widely different cultures together, he would explain that it was to heal the pain of the different lineages. And so a Jewish woman would be married to a German man. An African-American would be married to a Caucasian-American. A Japanese would be married to a Korean and so on. This was Moon's grand plan to heal the world.
As a Blessed Child, it was in my interest to avoid sinful acts. I would be helping out my ancestors in the spirit world. My immediate family as well as my future family would benefit. The main thing that was pumped into our heads was to stay pure. Under no circumstances should we have sex before marriage but beyond that, although there was no explicit mention of masturbation, it was one of those things that was frowned upon.
I look back at my life as a youngster and am surprised masturbation never really occurred to me. An older boy in school was also surprised at this and began to explain it. I tried to shut him up but he was so forceful in his explanation - it was as if he thought I was sorely missing out and he was doing me a favor. Still, I managed to tune him out and never engage myself in the act if I was sexually aroused.
The flip-side of "keeping myself pure" was the intense sexual fantasies my imagination would create. After class I would sometimes stay in bed for hours in daydreams thinking of fellow classmates or whatever was my version of the perfect woman. It was a heady experience. I would often feel guilty afterward.
After my 19th birthday, I saw Daniela once more. We barely spoke. A few weeks later I realized I no longer suffered from my intense infatuation with her. I counted it had been three years that she was part of my mind and suddenly, poof, the fog had lifted. When, days later, I heard there was to be a matching of Blessed Children at True Parents' home in upstate New York, I considered the end of my crush on Daniela to be a sign. Maybe I was ready for the next step. 19 was a good age to be married, I thought. I spoke with my mother and she seemed to approve. I and two of my sisters attended the matching ceremony. One of my sisters mentioned how strange it would be if I was matched to one of them by mistake. I perished the thought.
There was a large meeting room that was beautifully lit. True Father and True Mother sat on two stately chairs like a king and queen. Father interrupted the morning's scripture reading occasionally to emphasize certain ideas or offer new ones. The grueling several hours of sitting was to be expected. I tried not to think too hard on my future. I could be matched to any woman in this room. So be it. This was my lot in life. I had no complaint. I was God's servant. My goal in life was to help usher in the Kingdom of Heaven. This moment was just a link in the chain.
The next day the youth in the room were asked to stand up. Apparently, this was the moment I was destined for. Father sat there with two advisors sifting through pictures of young Korean men who couldn't make the plane ride. He was questioning a young blond woman in the front. She was kindly refusing the suggestions Father was making. Finally, Father pointed to her and pointed in my general direction passively. I was confused. There were several brothers standing around me. Did he mean me? He wasn't looking at me. Some sense of duty propelled me forward. The blond sister also moved forward. She looked at me and I looked at her. I looked over again at Father for approval. Was this my match? I wanted the approval of Father. A church adviser told me to go on my way. The blond girl smiled at me and I supposed this was it. So I gave her a smile to make her feel at ease and I walked in tow with her. I didn't know quite what to do next. Maybe we should talk. There was no one around to tell us what to do. I led her to a quiet spot on the top of a flight of pink-carpeted stairs. After having said nothing to anyone for the past several hours, it was nice to talk to someone.
She was rather attractive. She looked like she put a lot of care into the way she looked. I was immediately turned off by that. I told her she must have been told many times how beautiful she was. I didn't put a lot of stock in that. I found out that she was British so there was no language barrier - just the problem of an entire ocean. We discussed our different interests and what we wanted to do with our lives. Something inside of me said that this was the moment I could have bailed out. I could have said "no" to the match and that might have been it. It would have been the responsible thing to do. I didn't feel that this was the woman for me. But... I didn't do that.
Then there was the weird fact that she was named Daniella. This time with two 'L's. There is a cosmic joke if I ever heard one. Wtf, God?
We spent our "honeymoon" walking around New York. It was Christmas time in 2004. There had just been a horrific tsunami in Indonesia. While people were busy guessing the providential significance of that event in relation to the Blessing ceremony, I pulled Daniella aside and we sat down inside a coffee shop. I asked her if her hands were cold, felt them, and massaged them. Her eyes shot to mine and became transfixed. I found it hard to meet the gaze.
One day when we were on the charter bus back to True Parents' home, a request was made for singers. So I offered to sing a song I wrote a few years back. The song was my way to mentally prepare myself if I were matched to someone I did not find attractive.
[You may not be all I dreamed of
when I wake I think of you
those tender lips I never knew
the golden sunshine in your hair
the surrender within your stare]
Time passed and we stretched apart. I kept up with her sparingly. When I went on my trip to South Korea, I made friends with another Blessed Child named Hero Hernandez. His Dad was an American of Mexican descent and his mother was Japanese. One night he regaled me about a sister in the church he was talking to online. When he told me her name was Daniela, my heart sank.
As a young man growing up in the Unification Church, I knew I should not have lustful thoughts towards another woman. One day I would be matched and blessed to another 2nd Generation sister who would become my wife.
In the tradition I was raised, we were taught that sex was a sacred act of love that was meant to be performed only within the bounds of a married couple. It was a gift specially designed by God and given to his faithful children. In the sexual act, when man and woman were united in a loving relationship, God was at the center. When Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, "Let this cup pass from me," we were taught that he gave up his mission to find a spouse and usher in a new age with a wife and a family that would be the example of love to future generations. According to Unification Church Scripture, God's holy lineage wound its way to the fertile land of Korea, to a people whose stout hearts, rich culture, and suffering history could welcome a new Messiah. Sun Myung Moon, forging a perilous path to finally meet his spouse and raise a True Family, could stand as the True Parent of Humankind.
The story was so profound. The man was so charismatic. He exuded confidence and strength. I wonder to this day how truly he believed it. He certainly fooled me. I still think, if he believes he was right, perhaps the power of his belief is enough and no man can, with dignity, stand in his way.
Well, so it was that the path was laid out. All we had to do was follow it.
My mother walked into a room some 40 years ago in the heart of Manhattan. There were five men standing before her. Four of them were Japanese and they all held grim, stern expressions. On the very left was a short white man with a wide grin on his face. True Father told her to choose her eternal spouse. She pointed to the American and figured, "Well, maybe he'll keep life fun."
The way my French mother and American father were matched was unusual. Sun Myung Moon typically matched two people together in a mass ceremony after only looking over their faces. An older First Generation member once told me he had had a Spiritual Experience where he witnessed ribbons of colored light bouncing between people who would subsequently be matched together.
The Blessing Ceremony was our term for marriage. The married were known as Blessed Couples, their children were known as Blessed Children or "BC's" for short. BC's had the special privilege of being born without the original sin of the Fall.
In the Church there were 4 sins. Original Sin was carried with you when you were born because Adam and Eve were your ancestors. Ancestral Sin were sins your ancestors committed that is carried with you and you must pay for in your life. Collective Sin was the sin you were stained with by being part of a group that committed a sinful act while you did nothing to stop it. And Individual Sin was the sin one could accumulate over the course of their life. Indemnity was a term that meant the suffering one goes through in life as they try to pay for their sins. In the Ideal World, The Kingdom of Heaven on Earth, there was no sin. Us Unification Church members were trying very hard to welcome Its arrival.
My mother and father were blessed in a room which carried people from all parts of the globe. The Unification Movement was becoming a force to be reckoned with as members went to bear witness to the Second Coming of Christ in our time to all four corners of the world. When people asked why Moon married people from such widely different cultures together, he would explain that it was to heal the pain of the different lineages. And so a Jewish woman would be married to a German man. An African-American would be married to a Caucasian-American. A Japanese would be married to a Korean and so on. This was Moon's grand plan to heal the world.
As a Blessed Child, it was in my interest to avoid sinful acts. I would be helping out my ancestors in the spirit world. My immediate family as well as my future family would benefit. The main thing that was pumped into our heads was to stay pure. Under no circumstances should we have sex before marriage but beyond that, although there was no explicit mention of masturbation, it was one of those things that was frowned upon.
I look back at my life as a youngster and am surprised masturbation never really occurred to me. An older boy in school was also surprised at this and began to explain it. I tried to shut him up but he was so forceful in his explanation - it was as if he thought I was sorely missing out and he was doing me a favor. Still, I managed to tune him out and never engage myself in the act if I was sexually aroused.
The flip-side of "keeping myself pure" was the intense sexual fantasies my imagination would create. After class I would sometimes stay in bed for hours in daydreams thinking of fellow classmates or whatever was my version of the perfect woman. It was a heady experience. I would often feel guilty afterward.
After my 19th birthday, I saw Daniela once more. We barely spoke. A few weeks later I realized I no longer suffered from my intense infatuation with her. I counted it had been three years that she was part of my mind and suddenly, poof, the fog had lifted. When, days later, I heard there was to be a matching of Blessed Children at True Parents' home in upstate New York, I considered the end of my crush on Daniela to be a sign. Maybe I was ready for the next step. 19 was a good age to be married, I thought. I spoke with my mother and she seemed to approve. I and two of my sisters attended the matching ceremony. One of my sisters mentioned how strange it would be if I was matched to one of them by mistake. I perished the thought.
There was a large meeting room that was beautifully lit. True Father and True Mother sat on two stately chairs like a king and queen. Father interrupted the morning's scripture reading occasionally to emphasize certain ideas or offer new ones. The grueling several hours of sitting was to be expected. I tried not to think too hard on my future. I could be matched to any woman in this room. So be it. This was my lot in life. I had no complaint. I was God's servant. My goal in life was to help usher in the Kingdom of Heaven. This moment was just a link in the chain.
The next day the youth in the room were asked to stand up. Apparently, this was the moment I was destined for. Father sat there with two advisors sifting through pictures of young Korean men who couldn't make the plane ride. He was questioning a young blond woman in the front. She was kindly refusing the suggestions Father was making. Finally, Father pointed to her and pointed in my general direction passively. I was confused. There were several brothers standing around me. Did he mean me? He wasn't looking at me. Some sense of duty propelled me forward. The blond sister also moved forward. She looked at me and I looked at her. I looked over again at Father for approval. Was this my match? I wanted the approval of Father. A church adviser told me to go on my way. The blond girl smiled at me and I supposed this was it. So I gave her a smile to make her feel at ease and I walked in tow with her. I didn't know quite what to do next. Maybe we should talk. There was no one around to tell us what to do. I led her to a quiet spot on the top of a flight of pink-carpeted stairs. After having said nothing to anyone for the past several hours, it was nice to talk to someone.
She was rather attractive. She looked like she put a lot of care into the way she looked. I was immediately turned off by that. I told her she must have been told many times how beautiful she was. I didn't put a lot of stock in that. I found out that she was British so there was no language barrier - just the problem of an entire ocean. We discussed our different interests and what we wanted to do with our lives. Something inside of me said that this was the moment I could have bailed out. I could have said "no" to the match and that might have been it. It would have been the responsible thing to do. I didn't feel that this was the woman for me. But... I didn't do that.
Then there was the weird fact that she was named Daniella. This time with two 'L's. There is a cosmic joke if I ever heard one. Wtf, God?
We spent our "honeymoon" walking around New York. It was Christmas time in 2004. There had just been a horrific tsunami in Indonesia. While people were busy guessing the providential significance of that event in relation to the Blessing ceremony, I pulled Daniella aside and we sat down inside a coffee shop. I asked her if her hands were cold, felt them, and massaged them. Her eyes shot to mine and became transfixed. I found it hard to meet the gaze.
One day when we were on the charter bus back to True Parents' home, a request was made for singers. So I offered to sing a song I wrote a few years back. The song was my way to mentally prepare myself if I were matched to someone I did not find attractive.
[You may not be all I dreamed of
You may not have descended from above
You may not be as pretty as a dove
Hey, I love you anyway
You and me may not always see eye to eye
You and me may not always see eye to eye
We at times might make each other cry
But as long as I get that pretty smile once in a while
Hey, I love you anyway
You may be more sour than sweet
You may be more sour than sweet
You may not remember every beat
But as long as you take care of me and keep me on my feet
Hey, I love you anyway
You may not make potatoes the way I like
And it may not be a symphony every time you take the mic
But that sound I hear is unique dear and it's the only one I like
Hey, I love you anyway]
Daniella went on her way back to England. One of my sisters was also blessed during that occasion to a guy from Spain. The other sister was not but before she exited the room she had the grace to congratulate me on being matched to someone so beautiful. It made me think. Why had God matched me to someone so physically attractive when I had spent so much mental energy preparing myself for someone who did not have external attractiveness?
Daniella and I kept in touch. We both pursued our degrees. I moved to Austin, Texas from the Northeast to pursue a degree in film making. Daniella and I had what I call puppy love. We spent hours on the telephone and a bunch of time online. She liked the short film I did and the pictures and poetry I sent her.
I went to visit her in London the next summer. Here are some snapshots of what I remember. Being a goofy person, and somewhat acrobatic, I loved to play with my surroundings. I once jumped on a fence on a walk we did together. She told me not to embarrass her. There was no one around.
I remember going to a coffee shop and asking her what she thought about God. She deflected. I told her I didn't care about the church so much as I did my relationship with God. Incredulous, she asked me how I could say that? I was just as taken aback. I didn't understand her lack of devotion. To me, our marriage was based on our commitment to the cause.
We waited for the Tube, the London subway, to come rolling by and I told her I was at my zero point with her. That was supposed to be an admonishment. On the way home, she rested her head on my shoulder. I didn't know what to make of it. I was upset with her.
One night she crawled in my bed. She put her hand under my pants and did something that made my body convulse for a good 15 minutes.
The next winter it was her turn to visit me in the states. I drove from Texas to Connecticut to meet her. We went to a church workshop. We ate at TGIFridays, visited Macy's and the Banana Republic and held hands.
We spent the night together in the same bed. Without getting too graphic, I will say that I did something to her that was mutually enjoyable. I then left the room to return the favor to myself alone. I did not want to have sex with her. I did not love her.
When I was in Austin, I rented an apartment with a female roommate. I admit it was a naive move. I had no intention of sleeping with this girl or having any relations with her whatsoever. But for Daniella's family and many others, it was an unpardonable sin.
Daniella told me on the phone one day that I didn't understand the importance of the Blessing. It was the ultimate insult. There was nothing more important to me than to follow God's Path. When the conversation ended, my breath became stunted, I began to reel and become dizzy. I found a spot in a corner of the room and cried like a child.
Our relationship dissipated over time. When I went to visit her in England the next summer she hardly gave me the time of day. I spoke to her father and he told me perhaps this was over.
I felt I did all I could do. I wrote a letter and wandered to the airport. One of Daniella's friends, an older BC sister sought me out at the airport and tried to get me to change my mind. I told her my decision was made. She said Daniella was crying when she read my letter.
The next time Daniella and I spoke on the phone, we ended the relationship. Afterward, my mother and a church counselor who was involved with us wanted to know how the phone call went. They asked a peculiar question - namely, who had ended the relationship? I responded that I was the one to say the words - but that it was something we both felt. They said that Daniella was in the wrong and she should have said the words. The fact that I said the words meant that I would be blamed in the spirit world. I thought these two people had gone full Looney Tunes and dismissed the idea.
The next morning I awoke feeling as though an enormous weight had been lifted off my chest. But later on my mother pressed her case. I was to recant what I had said to break my Blessing. I relented to the pressure and wrote a placid letter to Daniella's family, taking back what I had said and saying that I still believed in our union. The next few months I spent in a dark depression. There was no response from the other family. Meanwhile, I had to tell people I was still Blessed when, as far as I was concerned, I wasn't.
It all finally ended when a leader from the European church called us both up and said it was over.
At the time of the phone call, I was walking around the University of Texas Tower which lights up at night and burns bright orange when the Longhorns play. I was 21 years old and still didn't understand what love was.
Daniella went on her way back to England. One of my sisters was also blessed during that occasion to a guy from Spain. The other sister was not but before she exited the room she had the grace to congratulate me on being matched to someone so beautiful. It made me think. Why had God matched me to someone so physically attractive when I had spent so much mental energy preparing myself for someone who did not have external attractiveness?
Daniella and I kept in touch. We both pursued our degrees. I moved to Austin, Texas from the Northeast to pursue a degree in film making. Daniella and I had what I call puppy love. We spent hours on the telephone and a bunch of time online. She liked the short film I did and the pictures and poetry I sent her.
I went to visit her in London the next summer. Here are some snapshots of what I remember. Being a goofy person, and somewhat acrobatic, I loved to play with my surroundings. I once jumped on a fence on a walk we did together. She told me not to embarrass her. There was no one around.
I remember going to a coffee shop and asking her what she thought about God. She deflected. I told her I didn't care about the church so much as I did my relationship with God. Incredulous, she asked me how I could say that? I was just as taken aback. I didn't understand her lack of devotion. To me, our marriage was based on our commitment to the cause.
We waited for the Tube, the London subway, to come rolling by and I told her I was at my zero point with her. That was supposed to be an admonishment. On the way home, she rested her head on my shoulder. I didn't know what to make of it. I was upset with her.
One night she crawled in my bed. She put her hand under my pants and did something that made my body convulse for a good 15 minutes.
The next winter it was her turn to visit me in the states. I drove from Texas to Connecticut to meet her. We went to a church workshop. We ate at TGIFridays, visited Macy's and the Banana Republic and held hands.
We spent the night together in the same bed. Without getting too graphic, I will say that I did something to her that was mutually enjoyable. I then left the room to return the favor to myself alone. I did not want to have sex with her. I did not love her.
When I was in Austin, I rented an apartment with a female roommate. I admit it was a naive move. I had no intention of sleeping with this girl or having any relations with her whatsoever. But for Daniella's family and many others, it was an unpardonable sin.
Daniella told me on the phone one day that I didn't understand the importance of the Blessing. It was the ultimate insult. There was nothing more important to me than to follow God's Path. When the conversation ended, my breath became stunted, I began to reel and become dizzy. I found a spot in a corner of the room and cried like a child.
Our relationship dissipated over time. When I went to visit her in England the next summer she hardly gave me the time of day. I spoke to her father and he told me perhaps this was over.
I felt I did all I could do. I wrote a letter and wandered to the airport. One of Daniella's friends, an older BC sister sought me out at the airport and tried to get me to change my mind. I told her my decision was made. She said Daniella was crying when she read my letter.
The next time Daniella and I spoke on the phone, we ended the relationship. Afterward, my mother and a church counselor who was involved with us wanted to know how the phone call went. They asked a peculiar question - namely, who had ended the relationship? I responded that I was the one to say the words - but that it was something we both felt. They said that Daniella was in the wrong and she should have said the words. The fact that I said the words meant that I would be blamed in the spirit world. I thought these two people had gone full Looney Tunes and dismissed the idea.
The next morning I awoke feeling as though an enormous weight had been lifted off my chest. But later on my mother pressed her case. I was to recant what I had said to break my Blessing. I relented to the pressure and wrote a placid letter to Daniella's family, taking back what I had said and saying that I still believed in our union. The next few months I spent in a dark depression. There was no response from the other family. Meanwhile, I had to tell people I was still Blessed when, as far as I was concerned, I wasn't.
It all finally ended when a leader from the European church called us both up and said it was over.
At the time of the phone call, I was walking around the University of Texas Tower which lights up at night and burns bright orange when the Longhorns play. I was 21 years old and still didn't understand what love was.
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