What does it mean to judge someone? What does it mean to judge yourself? In recent years, I feel I am more aware of how I judge myself and others. I've gotten better at seeing others judge themselves too...
Many times it will be really subtle. Like when someone says, "That's a really nice shirt your wearing. But, hey, what do I know. The last time I wore something I liked, my husband hated it."
It might be hard to see, but in that example, while the speaker references their husband, they are actually ascribing judgment to themselves for their own fashion choices.
I have developed a bit of a joke when I hear people judge themselves. I will tell them, "Hey, did you know I started a little side business? I noticed you were judging yourself there. You just didn't do it well enough. I suggest you judge yourself even better! I can help with that... for a small fee.. mwahaha," Then I curl my fingers together like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons.
I've done this joke so often now, it seems second nature. So I started thinking of a video idea where I could flesh out the joke. Below is my latest attempt.
I actually tried to get actors for this and spoke with a family relation who was willing to assist in some production aspects. Unfortunately, major events occurred in my life that made me feel it was not quite time to go ahead with this.
For now, I am shelving the project to work on other things. But, if you would like to read through it, please go ahead. Any suggestions or constructive criticism can be sent to theodorekirkley@gmail.com
YOU SUCK! Judging Like a Pro
SCENE 1 - Park trail
Salesman: “Hey, are you an idiot? Obviously.
Does your life suck? I know that brother.
Are you looking for ways to judge yourself so you don’t have to feel trauma from your past?
You need, “YOU SUCK!” - the business that judges for you.
Millions of people judge themselves every single day. They just suck at it.
At “YOU SUCK!” we take self-judgment to the next level.
Take this poor chap that’s not me.” [Pan left hard]
Poor Chap: “God, I hate my life. I just wish there was a way to effectively judge myself so I don’t have to feel the pain in my heart.”
Salesman: “Hey, ya dangus, cheer up! Now there’s a service that will take the hard work out of judging yourself.”
Poor Chap: “Really?”
Salesman: “Yeah, you dumb bastard. Turn that frown into an even bigger frown. Look at it this way. Your mom never loved you because she hates men. She used you to feel good about herself. Chances are, if she didn’t have you to bother over, she would’ve committed suicide long ago.”
Poor Chap: “Goddamn, that hurts.”
Salesman: “That’s why there’s “YOU SUCK!” Because you’re unwanted, you silly freak!”
Poor Chap: “Wow, thanks salesmanman!”
Salesman: “Not so fast, hot shot, give me five grand!”
Poor Chap: “Holy shit! What?” [Or: “Wow only 5 grand? That's a steal!”]
Salesman: “Now listen to some of the stupid monkey people that have used “YOU SUCK!”
SCENE 2 - House
Sad Woman: “My boyfriend told me he would break up with me if I didn’t start doing uncomfortable stuff in the bedroom. That’s when I contacted, “YOU SUCK!” Some dude just texted me… “You’re fat.”... It took my mind off how I was feeling and made me feel worse. Now I can put off the fear of being rejected until a few hours from now.”
SCENE 3 - Park swing set
Sad Man: “My 5-year-old fell off a swing set when I wasn’t looking. I felt like a bad father. “YOU SUCK!” told me how dumb I looked in those tired old jeans I was wearing. What am I? Poor? [shakes head] “YOU SUCK!” got my mind off my own problems so I could focus on superficial ones. Thanks “YOU SUCK!””
SCENE 4 - Park trail
Salesman: “Other companies charge ten thousand dollars per insult. At “YOU SUCK!” we cut that number in half! For only five grand, you get one perfect, carefully-crafted insult that will absolutely ruin your day. Look at this graph.” [Pan hard right showing basic graph]
“If you're ready to use, “YOU SUCK!” check out the description below to get YOUR customized insult in just minutes!”
Underline: “YOU SUCK!” is not a real company. You’re better off just feeling your emotions.
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