The Journal of Theo

I have a lot of doubt in God. -In Ler Goodness, Ler mercy, etc. (I often use Le/Ler/Lers pronouns for God) But for all my doubts, I appreciate many things about God. Everyone seems so hell-bent on getting me to stop listening to Alan John Miller. And when I talk about the things I've learned from him, people usually dismiss me. It's so damn frustrating (another emotion to feel I'm sure). Today I got rid of the last contact on my phone who is not related to work or an account I have. So I guess as far as my phone contact list is concerned, I don't have friends. And I feel a kind of righteous indignation about that. If nobody around me cares about learning more about who our Parent is, how loving Le is, or how amazing the soul Le created is, I don't really need them. I know I have emotions to feel about that. Maybe once I feel my anger on this subject my friend group will increase. But one thing people don't seem to understand - one thing people can't seem to ...

  Dear Heavenly Potter, Are you my mudder or my fodder? I was driving to UNM Taos this morning. I was thinking about getting some coffee but I knew I would load it with sugar which ain’t mmgood for me. I tried intellectually talking myself out of it. “Don’t do it. Don’t do it. It’s bad.. Because of these reasons. Here’s a few reasons.” Then I maturely expressed each reason. I thought I appealed to some smart side of myself - thought I solved the problem. But then I saw a little gas station that was right on my way and I said, “Fuck it,” hit the brakes, and turned in. When I saw a woman speedily open the front door and got a lusty look at her bottom, I instantly thought, “Damn, I wish I had some of that in my life.” There was a time where I would push away such thoughts. Now I try to be more honest and just listen to myself. Whatever I am feeling, I try to voice it. Sadly, there is so much ugliness inside of me, I just don’t know how to deal with it. Noticing and comprehending the m...