I have a lot of doubt in God. -In Ler Goodness, Ler mercy, etc. (I often use Le/Ler/Lers pronouns for God)
But for all my doubts, I appreciate many things about God.
Everyone seems so hell-bent on getting me to stop listening to Alan John Miller. And when I talk about the things I've learned from him, people usually dismiss me.
It's so damn frustrating (another emotion to feel I'm sure). Today I got rid of the last contact on my phone who is not related to work or an account I have. So I guess as far as my phone contact list is concerned, I don't have friends.
And I feel a kind of righteous indignation about that. If nobody around me cares about learning more about who our Parent is, how loving Le is, or how amazing the soul Le created is, I don't really need them.
I know I have emotions to feel about that. Maybe once I feel my anger on this subject my friend group will increase.
But one thing people don't seem to understand - one thing people can't seem to fathom is...
*drum roll*
I like what I hear from the Divine Truth teachings.
Sure, I get pissed off a lot. Sure there are many things I find difficult to accept.
But there has been SO MUCH - SOOOOOOO MUCH that I can't imagine living without. I've had so many eureka moments I can't even tell you. Part of the reason I make so many videos is because I love talking about the things I realize! It's just so awesome. Like, I'll realize something and I want to burst through the doors of McDonald's and yell, "Hey everybody, did you know God is loving in this way? It's so awesome!"
AJ talks about how when you accept a truth in your heart, your heart sings with pleasure and joy. I can't tell you how many times that's happened to me. It's usually a very quiet emotion that I experience alone. It's the kind of moment that makes you say, "Ooohh! Now I get it!" And it's so great and special.
I wait for the day people actually want to know what I think. I am still not attracting that so that means I must have a lot more anger left to feel. Maybe one day.
We can't suppress our joy. Suppressing joy isn't humble in just the same way suppressing pain isn't humble.
For more information related to this post, check out the series "How The Human Soul Functions" on the Divine Truth channel on Youtube or elsewhere.
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