The Journal of Theo

I have been walking in the desert for days without water. I come upon a well. I draw from it. Beautiful, glistening water dazzles me. Hardly able to believe my eyes, I take a sip. It is marvelous. Suddenly from behind, I hear a voice. "You must not drink from that well." I turn to look. There is a man there, a stranger to me. I must have been so consumed in the moment that my ears did not mark his arrival. "I am sorry. I haven't had a drink for days. Is this your well?" "No. But that well is poisoned. You will die if you drink from it." I look at the water. It has not wronged me. It has not offended me. Instead, it has quenched my thirst. "Death has been at my very heels. If I die by this draft, I will die happy." I continue to drink.

I want to know about God. God will betray me just like everyone else does. But I'm smart enough to never engage because I won't give Ler the satisfaction. I want God's Love. I don't want God's Love. I want to be a moviemaker. The thought of working towards creative works makes me cringe and recoil. I want to avoid people that will attack me and say I am a religious, glassy-eyed, white supremacist. I want to follow the Divine Truth teachings. I want a philosophy that I can use to shut people up whenever they try to tell me something that triggers me. I want to be responsible in love. I want to have a nice little house in a nice part of town and be a respectable citizen. I want to depend on the good will of society. They have hurt me and I believe they want to kill or enslave me. I might as well take whatever I can from society while they still offer it.