Foreword
As with many other short stories I have written, this one came to me all at once. It was a powerful story and I knew the ending only dimly. It was only after I came to the end that I saw how meaningful it was and how everything was coming together. I would now explain the writing of this story as driven by spirit influence.
It was written about 5 years before I found the Divine Truth teachings. Although I do not believe most of what I've heard, much of it has left such an impression on me, and has been absorbed at least intellectually, and I have reasoned it to be the best information I have yet discovered as to the Truth of God and Ler Universe, that I want to be careful what content I put out. If the messages contained within the stories and essays I put out do not reckon well with the Truths I've heard, I do not feel good.
I placed the following story on my blog a while ago, only to take it down with the interest of editing it to reflect my current understanding. After much consideration, I have decided to alter this story only slightly. Instead of creating a new animal, I want to present it for what it is. It is the story written by someone with concerns, interests, and beliefs that reflected his knowledge and awareness up to that point. Any error contained in it is error associated with that man at that time. I believe people will be discerning enough to understand that and contrast this work with my more current work.
This story contains powerful ideas about one man's determined effort to perfect things. May it move you the way it did for me.
Written on Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Gerard was ten years old the first time he yelled at his father. Gerard, a capable young boy who did well in school would often be praised for his mild manner and eloquent speech. But when Gerard got mad, he got very mad.
“Father!” Gerard screamed, “You work so hard for this country’s government but you don’t even know how to take care of the house! The third floor window still has not been fixed and the roof is caving in on the South side! Why can’t you find any time to make these necessary repairs?”
Gerard’s father, a member of the Country’s senate, was known for his mild manners and careful touch in political matters. He worked hard for his people, drafted important legislation, and devoted every spare moment he had to care for his family.
But Gerard’s father was shocked when he heard his son's accusation. On the one hand, Gerard had never shouted at him before. On the other, even though repairs were needed on the house, plans were made for them and they were forthcoming. Besides, theirs was the best house in the neighborhood.
Gerard’s father thought a moment and responded, “Gerard, I never meant to make the house perfect. I simply wanted a house where I could raise a family in peace.”
But Gerard did not seem satisfied with his father's answer and he walked away.
When Gerard was twenty years old he had already completed his master’s degree in accounting. The university he attended changed its program to accommodate him. When he entered the school, he announced proudly, “I will do in two years what it takes most men six years to accomplish.” And, true to his word, he did just that. People thought of him as a genius.
After graduation, Gerard came home and went straight to his room to relax and listen to music. His parents were surprised that he seemed to take the ceremony as a formality and did not seem proud of his achievement. His parents knocked on his door to speak with him. Once inside, they asked him what he was going to do with his degree. They suggested he continue schooling and get his doctorate or agree to one of the many jobs offered to him.
Gerard sat back in his chair and said, “I was wondering whether father was going to fix the pipes in the basement.”
“Gerard, why are you worrying about the house? We can fix that problem within the year! I’ll build a new house if you want! What your mother and I want to know is, what on earth are you going to do with your life?”
Gerard thought for a moment and answered honestly, "I don't know." He did not know what he wanted in all the world. His parents saw the confused expression on his face and consoled him. "Gerard, you don't have to give us an answer right now. You will find out what you want to do soon enough. And if you ever need someone to talk to, we are here for you."
But it was weeks before Gerard had a good idea. When he finally realized what he wanted to do, he set about making preparations. A year later he left his family and went out on his own.
Gerard was thirty when he found himself back in his original country. He noticed the atmosphere had changed a great deal. It wasn’t the country he once knew. Years of travel to all different parts of the world had given him a wide knowledge of different languages and cultures. He found as he walked the streets of the Country’s capital, there were many homeless persons and many young people squandering their youth in drugs and promiscuity.
When he arrived at his family’s home, his parents were happy to see him. “Gerard, it is so great to see you. My, have you changed. Your sisters will be here shortly. They are both happily married and one of them has been blessed with two darling children!”
Gerard enjoyed the time back with his family and spent a lot of time telling them about his adventures all over the globe. His father felt a great sense of pride over his son’s achievements. He always new his young boy would grow up into a powerful, talented man but he could not imagine the kinds of things he would set about to do.
The next day, Gerard took a tour of the house he grew up in. He saw the old rooms of play, spent moments at his old desk, canvassed the old garden in back, which sported many new flowers and vegetables. He lingered for hours in his old room. Even though it was changed into a study, he enjoyed the moments he spent there paying attention to the molding on the walls, angles of the ceiling and the old light fixture right up top in the middle.
His father walked in with his cane and showed him around the study, pointing out the new books and the classics and the ones he was currently reading. After his father sat down, the butler came in to bring them afternoon tea.
“Gerard,” said his father. “Now that you are back home, what do you intend to do?”
Gerard thought for a long while and realized he did not have an answer. But there was something that was still bugging him about the house.
Father,” said Gerard, “Did you realize that the roof is in disrepair?”
As he said this, his father was sipping tea. He was in the middle of sipping when he burst out in laughter. A bit of the tea spewed from his mouth and landed on some of the books on the desk. But Gerard’s father did not seem to mind. He kept on laughing. He found that he could not stop. He found it so funny that after all these years, all Gerard could think about were the simple imperfections on the house.
Gerard was forty years old when he made the final touches on his house in the woods. His father had died many years ago and his only family was far away in another part of the Country. They had moved from their old house, the one Gerard was never happy about.
As Gerard finished up his house, he remembered the last words his father told him, still laughing, before he left the house:
“Gerard, I never meant the house to be perfect. I just wanted a decent place to live for myself and my wife. When you came along I worked harder in the law firm to support our family. I didn’t know at that time that some of the investments I made would allow us to be, as some call us, rich. When a friend suggested I run for government, I did. I enjoyed my time in the senate but every penny I earned I put into that house. Now after all this time, you still see the imperfections. That is your nature. But you should know, all I ever wanted was to give you a good home.”
It had been many years since he talked to his father. When he finally heard that he had passed away, he chose not to go to the funeral. He was ashamed of walking out on his father and he did not know how to deal with his emotions.
It had been many years and he was fully grown. He recalled the words of a poem he once read as a young boy: “No years of having starred atones for later disregard.” It went something like that, he thought.
He was never able to make it as a husband. There were women in his life but he never knew how to make them happy and they never knew what it was that made him happy. They would often accuse him of drifting away from the relationship. He always explained to them that he loved them but they never seemed to believe it. One after the other left him.
He told himself he was going to make a house one day – a simple house. It would not bend or break. It would be so strong that not even a flood could undo it. It would be just big enough for a family with a couple of children. Gerard was not a man who built to excess.
As Gerard looked at the house he had made, he heard familiar footsteps come along the road. Madeleine, the young lady from across the way was coming again to see him. She was not at all pretty, he thought. She did not drive him sexually at all. All she seemed concerned about was what he wanted to eat. Gerard was quite certain Madeleine wanted to marry him. She was incredibly persistent.
Every week she would come over and bring him some new dish for him to eat. Every week he told her to put it down in the kitchen. Like clockwork she would come around the next day and ask whether he liked it or not. And if he didn’t, she would ask what he would like her to cook instead.
Gerard made a regular habit of saying that he didn’t like what she made even though it was perfect every time. He understood that if he said he did not like it, she would bring something new to eat the next week.
Madeleine came by in her perfect Sunday dress. Gerard didn’t understand why she wore those kinds of clothes. He knew she was part of an old-fashioned church. But it was the modern era. There was no reason to wear such outdated dress. Besides, it was a Friday.
Madeleine, in her sweet, innocent voice asked, “Gerard, how did you like the mince-meat pie I baked for you yesterday?”
Gerard thought for a moment. He was preparing himself to tell a lie. It was not easy for him to do. Before Madeleine came into his life, he had always been an honest person.
Gerard felt especially proud that day because he had just finished his house, and, with no concern for the young woman’s feelings, he laid out the meanest set of words his intelligent brain could think of.
Before long, he heard Madeleine begin to cry. She had the softest wimper of a sob. He found that strange but he kept on laying insults. He would not stop telling her how terrible her mince-meat pie had been. It really wasn’t about the pie, it was about her coming to see him every week, without stopping. There was no way on earth Gerard would marry her. She was too young and not pretty at all and he knew she could not satisfy him. Maybe if he insulted her well enough, she would not come back.
When Gerard was finished, he looked over at her and saw her reddened, tear-soaked cheeks half-covered by her hands. She could not stop crying. She was about to turn to leave but before she did, she worked up the courage to tell the man she brought food to each week a thing or two. “Gerard, you are the nastiest old man I have ever met. I should have listened to my friends. I will never come back here again!”
Madeleine turned around and ran back the path away from Gerard’s house. Gerard got up and yelled after her, “That’s fine with me! I would never marry you anyway!”
Madeleine stopped for a moment and turned around and screamed back, “Marry you? I would never marry you!!!” She then continued to run away from him.
When she was around the corner of the path, Gerard found he could not contain himself. He ran around the corner of the path to see her. There she was just at the end of the road about to walk off his property into the street. Gerard bolted up the road. When he reached the end of his property, she saw Madeleine already several meters away on the street. As she ran from him, he screamed after her, “You can come back next week and bring me some LASAGNA!!!!”
Gerard had never screamed so loud at anyone.
As he turned around to head home he thought, “Wait a minute. There was one time when I was ten years old when I was even louder than that...”
Madeleine did not come back the next week or the week after. In fact it had been months since the last time he saw her. He couldn’t understand what happened. A young woman like her would surely continue trying to see him. After all, he was strong and healthy for his age. Most of the women in the town seemed to think him handsome and smart. And besides, he was very wealthy. He had money in the local bank. He owned several businesses in the local area. Heck, he practically owned the town. If he wanted to, he could call up any number of women and ask them if they wanted to marry him.
But then he realized something about Madeleine. No one had worked as hard as she did to gain his favor.
He realized then how much pride he had in his heart. The years alone had made him bitter. He thought of all the women he had in his life and how much prettier they were when compared to Madeleine. He knew that with age, Madeleine would become even more repulsive. But it was just that thought that prevented him from seeing all the beauty she had in her heart.
Gerard decided then and there he would do what it took to win Madeleine's favor. He walked the 10 miles it took to Madeleine's house. After some time, he realized just how far it was for her to walk to see him week after week.
When he finally reached the door to Madeleine's house, he knocked three times. But the parents would not let him in the house. From behind the door they called him all kinds of names. Even after all that time, they would not even let him into their house. He had never been so insulted in his life.
He realized as he walked away how crazy it was for a forty-year-old-man to walk to the house of a young woman. He didn’t even know what he was going to say.
Just before Madeleine's house was out of sight, he looked back. There in the second floor window, he thought he saw the curtain move. But it could just have been his imagination.
Gerard was 50 years old when he had his second daughter. Two boys and two girls was a good size for a family, he thought. He spent most of his days outside working on the property. Twice a week he would go into town and manage his business accounts. The businesses were doing well.
It had taken him two years to win Madeleine’s favor. She would not forgive him for some time. But he did everything he could to please her heart. He attended every event her church organized, even if it was old-fashioned. The elders in the church knew of Madeleine’s sad love affair with the rich man of the neighborhood. They loved Madeleine as they loved all their congregants but Gerard was strange to them. They saw him as a man who lusted over money and women. They believed the rumors they heard about him in the town.
Gerard realized that it would take some time for Madeleine’s community to warm up to him. But he didn’t waste a minute in doing the work it took to make that happen. He invested money into every property they had. When that did not work, he put money into the school where the church kids went to get their education.
Gerard did not much like Madeleine’s religion. It seemed old and tired to him. But nevertheless, he knew he liked Madeleine. Nothing would stop him from winning her favor. And in the end she agreed to marry him.
After several years of marriage, Madeleine taught Gerard how to pray correctly. Gerard hadn’t prayed since his childhood and then only seldom. He did not see it as practical. But he prayed nonetheless. He prayed till it hurt. He knew that half the work of having Madeleine was keeping her. He would do anything to make her happy.
When Gerard was 60 years old, Madeleine was no longer the sprightly young lady she once was. The old spark in their marriage seemed to be fading. Gerard was becoming a bitter old man.
Gerard would often tell her that she did not satisfy him. She was getting old and he never thought she was very pretty. Madeleine would take all the negative comments against her in stride. She was a woman of incredible resilience.
One day, however, she decided to tell him just exactly the way she felt about him: “When I first saw you, Gerard, I knew you were an awful man. I knew you didn’t know what love was. But my father and mother taught me even the dumbest person deserves a chance to get into heaven. I prayed a long time to figure out what to do with you. I realized that even though I’m not the prettiest girl in the neighborhood and not the smartest, I would teach you a lesson. I would teach you just what love meant and I would bring the spirit of God to you. I know I may not be perfect but you’re not that great either.”
Gerard was seventy-years old when Madeleine passed away. She was only fifty-six. He brought the best doctors from all the world to find out what was wrong with her. Not any of them could give him a good answer. Madeleine’s parents said it was Gerard who did it to her.
Gerard became angry in his old age. He spent his days in his old house. It was the perfect house, he knew. Nothing ever went wrong with it. No flood could undo it. Gerard even dared God to bring the biggest tornado he could make to sweep over the house. He wanted to see if it could break.
Gerard asked God every day why there was so much pain and suffering in the world. Why would God take away his dear Madeleine? The woman isn’t supposed to go before the man anyhow, he thought. Madeleine was the best thing that happened to him and he knew it well enough. There was no one of purer heart then she. Why did God take her away?
Gerard worked every day in the garden out back. It was the garden he and Madeleine had made together. The purest fruits and vegetables grew in that garden. The garden was vast and beautiful. There were benches made from the strongest wood. Vines stretched over the doorway and exit. Every neighbor who visited the garden talked about how wonderful it was to walk through.
But Gerard’s heart was dark. He would read the newspaper daily and all he could see was bad news. He made the bitterest comments about the wars that went on and all the disasters that happened around the globe.
His daughter, Vanessa, was the only one who paid him any mind. The other three children could not stay in the home. Vanessa, at fourteen-years-old stayed behind when all the others left. Her mother knew she was the strongest. Before she passed away, she asked her to take care of her father.
Because she was also the prettiest girl in the neighborhood, the men in the area did as best they could to win her favor. But they could never get past Gerard.
When Gerard was eighty years old, Vanessa was twenty-four. That was the age Madeleine first came around to visit Gerard. Gerard would often feel like Madeleine was with him telling him to do things. Sometimes he was sure she had slept with him in his bed. He was sure he could feel someone there.
Vanessa was afraid for her father because he was becoming senile. But Gerard was not as senile as she thought. Gerard knew he was getting old. Whenever he did something strange, Vanessa would look at him with her scrunched up nose. Gerard felt more old every day. He would pray and ask God to take him up to see his wife.
On his eightieth birthday, the people in the town came over to celebrate. During the dinner celebration an old business associate remarked on Gerard's old age. He said he was surprised at how healthy he was at eighty. When Gerard heard what the man had to say, he became angry as a bull. He stood up from his chair and vented his rage at all the attendants. The business associate who spoke to him became so afraid he ran off the property. Soon enough, the party was cancelled.
Gerard thought it was time for Vanessa to find a good man. He prayed up to Madeleine every day to find Vanessa a good man. It wasn’t right, he thought, for a young woman like her to be around her old father all day.
One day, several weeks after his birthday, Gerard was praying in the Garden when the sky became dark. Vanessa came out and told her father to come inside. Gerard told Vanessa that he was praying to her mother and he was not to be disturbed.
Suddenly a strong wind swept through the garden and plowed some of the fence over. Gerard was knocked on his side. Vanessa came running out to her father and tried her best to bring him inside. Gerard pushed her away and told her to stay inside the house. But Vanessa would not go without her father. She pleaded with him to come inside. Meanwhile, the wind grew more fierce.
Finally Vanessa realized that her father would not come inside. He was ready to die and he wanted to. And when her father wanted something, she knew no one could stop him from getting it. As she ran inside the house, she said to herself, "Mother, I did my best." Once in the house, Vanessa turned on the radio. The announcer said that the Tornado coming through town was a degree 5. Vanessa turned off the radio and brought a candle down with her into the basement. As she closed the basement door, she took one last look at the house she had grown up in.
Gerard watched as the wind uprooted the trees in front of him. He prayed that his house would stand strong even as the Tornado blew through. Gerard knew Madeleine would protect Vanessa but he was not sure God cared.
As the howling vortex blew forward, Gerard yelled at the sky and accused God of all the things that were wrong in his universe. Why couldn’t God spend a little more time making things better? Why did good people die young? Why was there not more joy in the world? If God was perfect, why was his creation such a mess?
The tornado drew forward like a giant claw. Gerard watched as the garden he and his wife made was destroyed before his eyes. Before the tornado swept the life out of Gerard, he heard a voice speak to him from inside the vortex.
"I never meant my house to be perfect, Gerard. I just wanted to make a good home for my family.”
Afterword
Please read this after digesting as best you can what you've read.
I want to say a note about the ending. I have struggled so much with it. Before this final edit, I used the word "universe" in place of "house." That would make the second to last sentence. "I never meant my universe to be perfect, Gerard. I just wanted to make a good home for my family."
If I used the word "universe," then it would be obvious that I am trying to convey that the voice inside the tornado is God. I changed it to "house" because that creates some ambiguity as to whether he is hearing God or perhaps the voice of his deceased father which he may attribute, in his delusion, to God.
The important takeaway is that, from my current understanding, God does not communicate with words. Le communicates through emotions of love. So anytime you hear something audibly from someone around you or in your mind, you have not heard God.
But the other important point to make is that God did, in fact, create a perfect universe. Gerard was never able to see that because he is so focused on perfecting things using man-made instruments and materials and the poor education he had growing up. By controlling things in his world so finely, he is able to ignore the deep pain he feels and therefore has no room to accept the truth that God is perfect and the universe Le created is too. It is only human beings that decided to bring error into the world and we can decide differently.
I want to be clear on those two points. There are other errors in the story but none are so important as those: God does not speak in human words, and God's universe is perfect.
As I've said, I've considered re-writing this and heavily editing it. I feel now that that would take away too much from the original spirit of the story. The times I have attempted to edit it, I could not get in the same spirit as when I first created it. Additionally, there are many other projects I'd like to move onto.
And so, it is here submitted in its imperfect state.
In many ways, the story and its main character are so important to me because I struggle with perfection. I have the desire to become perfect with the injury of expecting things to be perfect now (perfectionism). It has been a fierce and painful struggle that probably only God and my spirit guides can fully understand but I'm sure others can relate. As I grow in love, I would like to transition into someone who can still create good content that has that special touch that may encourage people to seek a relationship with God, be humble to their emotions, and desirous of Truth. This story does satisfy those goals I believe.
I may re-write this story some other day but probably will wait until I have learned many more things. It will then be a lot easier to adjust it in the way it deserves.
As with many other short stories I have written, this one came to me all at once. It was a powerful story and I knew the ending only dimly. It was only after I came to the end that I saw how meaningful it was and how everything was coming together. I would now explain the writing of this story as driven by spirit influence.
It was written about 5 years before I found the Divine Truth teachings. Although I do not believe most of what I've heard, much of it has left such an impression on me, and has been absorbed at least intellectually, and I have reasoned it to be the best information I have yet discovered as to the Truth of God and Ler Universe, that I want to be careful what content I put out. If the messages contained within the stories and essays I put out do not reckon well with the Truths I've heard, I do not feel good.
I placed the following story on my blog a while ago, only to take it down with the interest of editing it to reflect my current understanding. After much consideration, I have decided to alter this story only slightly. Instead of creating a new animal, I want to present it for what it is. It is the story written by someone with concerns, interests, and beliefs that reflected his knowledge and awareness up to that point. Any error contained in it is error associated with that man at that time. I believe people will be discerning enough to understand that and contrast this work with my more current work.
This story contains powerful ideas about one man's determined effort to perfect things. May it move you the way it did for me.
Written on Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Gerard was ten years old the first time he yelled at his father. Gerard, a capable young boy who did well in school would often be praised for his mild manner and eloquent speech. But when Gerard got mad, he got very mad.
“Father!” Gerard screamed, “You work so hard for this country’s government but you don’t even know how to take care of the house! The third floor window still has not been fixed and the roof is caving in on the South side! Why can’t you find any time to make these necessary repairs?”
Gerard’s father, a member of the Country’s senate, was known for his mild manners and careful touch in political matters. He worked hard for his people, drafted important legislation, and devoted every spare moment he had to care for his family.
But Gerard’s father was shocked when he heard his son's accusation. On the one hand, Gerard had never shouted at him before. On the other, even though repairs were needed on the house, plans were made for them and they were forthcoming. Besides, theirs was the best house in the neighborhood.
Gerard’s father thought a moment and responded, “Gerard, I never meant to make the house perfect. I simply wanted a house where I could raise a family in peace.”
But Gerard did not seem satisfied with his father's answer and he walked away.
When Gerard was twenty years old he had already completed his master’s degree in accounting. The university he attended changed its program to accommodate him. When he entered the school, he announced proudly, “I will do in two years what it takes most men six years to accomplish.” And, true to his word, he did just that. People thought of him as a genius.
After graduation, Gerard came home and went straight to his room to relax and listen to music. His parents were surprised that he seemed to take the ceremony as a formality and did not seem proud of his achievement. His parents knocked on his door to speak with him. Once inside, they asked him what he was going to do with his degree. They suggested he continue schooling and get his doctorate or agree to one of the many jobs offered to him.
Gerard sat back in his chair and said, “I was wondering whether father was going to fix the pipes in the basement.”
“Gerard, why are you worrying about the house? We can fix that problem within the year! I’ll build a new house if you want! What your mother and I want to know is, what on earth are you going to do with your life?”
Gerard thought for a moment and answered honestly, "I don't know." He did not know what he wanted in all the world. His parents saw the confused expression on his face and consoled him. "Gerard, you don't have to give us an answer right now. You will find out what you want to do soon enough. And if you ever need someone to talk to, we are here for you."
But it was weeks before Gerard had a good idea. When he finally realized what he wanted to do, he set about making preparations. A year later he left his family and went out on his own.
Gerard was thirty when he found himself back in his original country. He noticed the atmosphere had changed a great deal. It wasn’t the country he once knew. Years of travel to all different parts of the world had given him a wide knowledge of different languages and cultures. He found as he walked the streets of the Country’s capital, there were many homeless persons and many young people squandering their youth in drugs and promiscuity.
When he arrived at his family’s home, his parents were happy to see him. “Gerard, it is so great to see you. My, have you changed. Your sisters will be here shortly. They are both happily married and one of them has been blessed with two darling children!”
Gerard enjoyed the time back with his family and spent a lot of time telling them about his adventures all over the globe. His father felt a great sense of pride over his son’s achievements. He always new his young boy would grow up into a powerful, talented man but he could not imagine the kinds of things he would set about to do.
The next day, Gerard took a tour of the house he grew up in. He saw the old rooms of play, spent moments at his old desk, canvassed the old garden in back, which sported many new flowers and vegetables. He lingered for hours in his old room. Even though it was changed into a study, he enjoyed the moments he spent there paying attention to the molding on the walls, angles of the ceiling and the old light fixture right up top in the middle.
His father walked in with his cane and showed him around the study, pointing out the new books and the classics and the ones he was currently reading. After his father sat down, the butler came in to bring them afternoon tea.
“Gerard,” said his father. “Now that you are back home, what do you intend to do?”
Gerard thought for a long while and realized he did not have an answer. But there was something that was still bugging him about the house.
Father,” said Gerard, “Did you realize that the roof is in disrepair?”
As he said this, his father was sipping tea. He was in the middle of sipping when he burst out in laughter. A bit of the tea spewed from his mouth and landed on some of the books on the desk. But Gerard’s father did not seem to mind. He kept on laughing. He found that he could not stop. He found it so funny that after all these years, all Gerard could think about were the simple imperfections on the house.
Gerard was forty years old when he made the final touches on his house in the woods. His father had died many years ago and his only family was far away in another part of the Country. They had moved from their old house, the one Gerard was never happy about.
As Gerard finished up his house, he remembered the last words his father told him, still laughing, before he left the house:
“Gerard, I never meant the house to be perfect. I just wanted a decent place to live for myself and my wife. When you came along I worked harder in the law firm to support our family. I didn’t know at that time that some of the investments I made would allow us to be, as some call us, rich. When a friend suggested I run for government, I did. I enjoyed my time in the senate but every penny I earned I put into that house. Now after all this time, you still see the imperfections. That is your nature. But you should know, all I ever wanted was to give you a good home.”
It had been many years since he talked to his father. When he finally heard that he had passed away, he chose not to go to the funeral. He was ashamed of walking out on his father and he did not know how to deal with his emotions.
It had been many years and he was fully grown. He recalled the words of a poem he once read as a young boy: “No years of having starred atones for later disregard.” It went something like that, he thought.
He was never able to make it as a husband. There were women in his life but he never knew how to make them happy and they never knew what it was that made him happy. They would often accuse him of drifting away from the relationship. He always explained to them that he loved them but they never seemed to believe it. One after the other left him.
He told himself he was going to make a house one day – a simple house. It would not bend or break. It would be so strong that not even a flood could undo it. It would be just big enough for a family with a couple of children. Gerard was not a man who built to excess.
As Gerard looked at the house he had made, he heard familiar footsteps come along the road. Madeleine, the young lady from across the way was coming again to see him. She was not at all pretty, he thought. She did not drive him sexually at all. All she seemed concerned about was what he wanted to eat. Gerard was quite certain Madeleine wanted to marry him. She was incredibly persistent.
Every week she would come over and bring him some new dish for him to eat. Every week he told her to put it down in the kitchen. Like clockwork she would come around the next day and ask whether he liked it or not. And if he didn’t, she would ask what he would like her to cook instead.
Gerard made a regular habit of saying that he didn’t like what she made even though it was perfect every time. He understood that if he said he did not like it, she would bring something new to eat the next week.
Madeleine came by in her perfect Sunday dress. Gerard didn’t understand why she wore those kinds of clothes. He knew she was part of an old-fashioned church. But it was the modern era. There was no reason to wear such outdated dress. Besides, it was a Friday.
Madeleine, in her sweet, innocent voice asked, “Gerard, how did you like the mince-meat pie I baked for you yesterday?”
Gerard thought for a moment. He was preparing himself to tell a lie. It was not easy for him to do. Before Madeleine came into his life, he had always been an honest person.
Gerard felt especially proud that day because he had just finished his house, and, with no concern for the young woman’s feelings, he laid out the meanest set of words his intelligent brain could think of.
Before long, he heard Madeleine begin to cry. She had the softest wimper of a sob. He found that strange but he kept on laying insults. He would not stop telling her how terrible her mince-meat pie had been. It really wasn’t about the pie, it was about her coming to see him every week, without stopping. There was no way on earth Gerard would marry her. She was too young and not pretty at all and he knew she could not satisfy him. Maybe if he insulted her well enough, she would not come back.
When Gerard was finished, he looked over at her and saw her reddened, tear-soaked cheeks half-covered by her hands. She could not stop crying. She was about to turn to leave but before she did, she worked up the courage to tell the man she brought food to each week a thing or two. “Gerard, you are the nastiest old man I have ever met. I should have listened to my friends. I will never come back here again!”
Madeleine turned around and ran back the path away from Gerard’s house. Gerard got up and yelled after her, “That’s fine with me! I would never marry you anyway!”
Madeleine stopped for a moment and turned around and screamed back, “Marry you? I would never marry you!!!” She then continued to run away from him.
When she was around the corner of the path, Gerard found he could not contain himself. He ran around the corner of the path to see her. There she was just at the end of the road about to walk off his property into the street. Gerard bolted up the road. When he reached the end of his property, she saw Madeleine already several meters away on the street. As she ran from him, he screamed after her, “You can come back next week and bring me some LASAGNA!!!!”
Gerard had never screamed so loud at anyone.
As he turned around to head home he thought, “Wait a minute. There was one time when I was ten years old when I was even louder than that...”
Madeleine did not come back the next week or the week after. In fact it had been months since the last time he saw her. He couldn’t understand what happened. A young woman like her would surely continue trying to see him. After all, he was strong and healthy for his age. Most of the women in the town seemed to think him handsome and smart. And besides, he was very wealthy. He had money in the local bank. He owned several businesses in the local area. Heck, he practically owned the town. If he wanted to, he could call up any number of women and ask them if they wanted to marry him.
But then he realized something about Madeleine. No one had worked as hard as she did to gain his favor.
He realized then how much pride he had in his heart. The years alone had made him bitter. He thought of all the women he had in his life and how much prettier they were when compared to Madeleine. He knew that with age, Madeleine would become even more repulsive. But it was just that thought that prevented him from seeing all the beauty she had in her heart.
Gerard decided then and there he would do what it took to win Madeleine's favor. He walked the 10 miles it took to Madeleine's house. After some time, he realized just how far it was for her to walk to see him week after week.
When he finally reached the door to Madeleine's house, he knocked three times. But the parents would not let him in the house. From behind the door they called him all kinds of names. Even after all that time, they would not even let him into their house. He had never been so insulted in his life.
He realized as he walked away how crazy it was for a forty-year-old-man to walk to the house of a young woman. He didn’t even know what he was going to say.
Just before Madeleine's house was out of sight, he looked back. There in the second floor window, he thought he saw the curtain move. But it could just have been his imagination.
Gerard was 50 years old when he had his second daughter. Two boys and two girls was a good size for a family, he thought. He spent most of his days outside working on the property. Twice a week he would go into town and manage his business accounts. The businesses were doing well.
It had taken him two years to win Madeleine’s favor. She would not forgive him for some time. But he did everything he could to please her heart. He attended every event her church organized, even if it was old-fashioned. The elders in the church knew of Madeleine’s sad love affair with the rich man of the neighborhood. They loved Madeleine as they loved all their congregants but Gerard was strange to them. They saw him as a man who lusted over money and women. They believed the rumors they heard about him in the town.
Gerard realized that it would take some time for Madeleine’s community to warm up to him. But he didn’t waste a minute in doing the work it took to make that happen. He invested money into every property they had. When that did not work, he put money into the school where the church kids went to get their education.
Gerard did not much like Madeleine’s religion. It seemed old and tired to him. But nevertheless, he knew he liked Madeleine. Nothing would stop him from winning her favor. And in the end she agreed to marry him.
After several years of marriage, Madeleine taught Gerard how to pray correctly. Gerard hadn’t prayed since his childhood and then only seldom. He did not see it as practical. But he prayed nonetheless. He prayed till it hurt. He knew that half the work of having Madeleine was keeping her. He would do anything to make her happy.
When Gerard was 60 years old, Madeleine was no longer the sprightly young lady she once was. The old spark in their marriage seemed to be fading. Gerard was becoming a bitter old man.
Gerard would often tell her that she did not satisfy him. She was getting old and he never thought she was very pretty. Madeleine would take all the negative comments against her in stride. She was a woman of incredible resilience.
One day, however, she decided to tell him just exactly the way she felt about him: “When I first saw you, Gerard, I knew you were an awful man. I knew you didn’t know what love was. But my father and mother taught me even the dumbest person deserves a chance to get into heaven. I prayed a long time to figure out what to do with you. I realized that even though I’m not the prettiest girl in the neighborhood and not the smartest, I would teach you a lesson. I would teach you just what love meant and I would bring the spirit of God to you. I know I may not be perfect but you’re not that great either.”
Gerard was seventy-years old when Madeleine passed away. She was only fifty-six. He brought the best doctors from all the world to find out what was wrong with her. Not any of them could give him a good answer. Madeleine’s parents said it was Gerard who did it to her.
Gerard became angry in his old age. He spent his days in his old house. It was the perfect house, he knew. Nothing ever went wrong with it. No flood could undo it. Gerard even dared God to bring the biggest tornado he could make to sweep over the house. He wanted to see if it could break.
Gerard asked God every day why there was so much pain and suffering in the world. Why would God take away his dear Madeleine? The woman isn’t supposed to go before the man anyhow, he thought. Madeleine was the best thing that happened to him and he knew it well enough. There was no one of purer heart then she. Why did God take her away?
Gerard worked every day in the garden out back. It was the garden he and Madeleine had made together. The purest fruits and vegetables grew in that garden. The garden was vast and beautiful. There were benches made from the strongest wood. Vines stretched over the doorway and exit. Every neighbor who visited the garden talked about how wonderful it was to walk through.
But Gerard’s heart was dark. He would read the newspaper daily and all he could see was bad news. He made the bitterest comments about the wars that went on and all the disasters that happened around the globe.
His daughter, Vanessa, was the only one who paid him any mind. The other three children could not stay in the home. Vanessa, at fourteen-years-old stayed behind when all the others left. Her mother knew she was the strongest. Before she passed away, she asked her to take care of her father.
Because she was also the prettiest girl in the neighborhood, the men in the area did as best they could to win her favor. But they could never get past Gerard.
When Gerard was eighty years old, Vanessa was twenty-four. That was the age Madeleine first came around to visit Gerard. Gerard would often feel like Madeleine was with him telling him to do things. Sometimes he was sure she had slept with him in his bed. He was sure he could feel someone there.
Vanessa was afraid for her father because he was becoming senile. But Gerard was not as senile as she thought. Gerard knew he was getting old. Whenever he did something strange, Vanessa would look at him with her scrunched up nose. Gerard felt more old every day. He would pray and ask God to take him up to see his wife.
On his eightieth birthday, the people in the town came over to celebrate. During the dinner celebration an old business associate remarked on Gerard's old age. He said he was surprised at how healthy he was at eighty. When Gerard heard what the man had to say, he became angry as a bull. He stood up from his chair and vented his rage at all the attendants. The business associate who spoke to him became so afraid he ran off the property. Soon enough, the party was cancelled.
Gerard thought it was time for Vanessa to find a good man. He prayed up to Madeleine every day to find Vanessa a good man. It wasn’t right, he thought, for a young woman like her to be around her old father all day.
One day, several weeks after his birthday, Gerard was praying in the Garden when the sky became dark. Vanessa came out and told her father to come inside. Gerard told Vanessa that he was praying to her mother and he was not to be disturbed.
Suddenly a strong wind swept through the garden and plowed some of the fence over. Gerard was knocked on his side. Vanessa came running out to her father and tried her best to bring him inside. Gerard pushed her away and told her to stay inside the house. But Vanessa would not go without her father. She pleaded with him to come inside. Meanwhile, the wind grew more fierce.
Finally Vanessa realized that her father would not come inside. He was ready to die and he wanted to. And when her father wanted something, she knew no one could stop him from getting it. As she ran inside the house, she said to herself, "Mother, I did my best." Once in the house, Vanessa turned on the radio. The announcer said that the Tornado coming through town was a degree 5. Vanessa turned off the radio and brought a candle down with her into the basement. As she closed the basement door, she took one last look at the house she had grown up in.
Gerard watched as the wind uprooted the trees in front of him. He prayed that his house would stand strong even as the Tornado blew through. Gerard knew Madeleine would protect Vanessa but he was not sure God cared.
As the howling vortex blew forward, Gerard yelled at the sky and accused God of all the things that were wrong in his universe. Why couldn’t God spend a little more time making things better? Why did good people die young? Why was there not more joy in the world? If God was perfect, why was his creation such a mess?
The tornado drew forward like a giant claw. Gerard watched as the garden he and his wife made was destroyed before his eyes. Before the tornado swept the life out of Gerard, he heard a voice speak to him from inside the vortex.
"I never meant my house to be perfect, Gerard. I just wanted to make a good home for my family.”
Afterword
Please read this after digesting as best you can what you've read.
I want to say a note about the ending. I have struggled so much with it. Before this final edit, I used the word "universe" in place of "house." That would make the second to last sentence. "I never meant my universe to be perfect, Gerard. I just wanted to make a good home for my family."
If I used the word "universe," then it would be obvious that I am trying to convey that the voice inside the tornado is God. I changed it to "house" because that creates some ambiguity as to whether he is hearing God or perhaps the voice of his deceased father which he may attribute, in his delusion, to God.
The important takeaway is that, from my current understanding, God does not communicate with words. Le communicates through emotions of love. So anytime you hear something audibly from someone around you or in your mind, you have not heard God.
But the other important point to make is that God did, in fact, create a perfect universe. Gerard was never able to see that because he is so focused on perfecting things using man-made instruments and materials and the poor education he had growing up. By controlling things in his world so finely, he is able to ignore the deep pain he feels and therefore has no room to accept the truth that God is perfect and the universe Le created is too. It is only human beings that decided to bring error into the world and we can decide differently.
I want to be clear on those two points. There are other errors in the story but none are so important as those: God does not speak in human words, and God's universe is perfect.
As I've said, I've considered re-writing this and heavily editing it. I feel now that that would take away too much from the original spirit of the story. The times I have attempted to edit it, I could not get in the same spirit as when I first created it. Additionally, there are many other projects I'd like to move onto.
And so, it is here submitted in its imperfect state.
In many ways, the story and its main character are so important to me because I struggle with perfection. I have the desire to become perfect with the injury of expecting things to be perfect now (perfectionism). It has been a fierce and painful struggle that probably only God and my spirit guides can fully understand but I'm sure others can relate. As I grow in love, I would like to transition into someone who can still create good content that has that special touch that may encourage people to seek a relationship with God, be humble to their emotions, and desirous of Truth. This story does satisfy those goals I believe.
I may re-write this story some other day but probably will wait until I have learned many more things. It will then be a lot easier to adjust it in the way it deserves.
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