The Journal of Theo

      I just finished watching A Streetcar Named Desire. It's about a paranoid woman named Blanche who crashes at her sister's place and tells a heap of lies to everyone around her in order to get their sympathy.     One thing that struck me was, in the midst of the stories she would tell people, when she wouldn't get the affection and validation she was wanting, she would look up at the faces of those around her and notice discord on them. She would then ask with some vexation, "Why are you looking at me like that?"     I know that interaction. I've been in Blanche's shoes many times. I have told stories that I believed were true but weren't. Then I've looked up at the faces of those I was speaking to and wondered why people were giving me such strange looks.     But there is one difference. Recently, when I look at those faces, and I want to know what it is they are thinking, I find that I really do want to know and I'm not just mad that I ...

     I heard AJ say that we create our own hell. How strange. Why would we create a bad place to live in? How is that possible?     Much of what AJ says sticks in my mind. I have never had any one person say so many things that challenge so much of what I believe. I find myself looking at my life and experiences and questioning things intensely.     Here's one thing I've noticed about myself: I hate  people.     You see, t he problem with people is that, soon after you interact with them, problems quickly arise.     So then I ask,  what would  it be like to live in a world without people? The first thing I would do is raid all the convenience stores.      ...but that would get old quick. Once the animals return to the cities, I would get paranoid with every new sound. Also, I would have to grow my own food. My little fantastical world without people would become a hellscape of fear and hard work...