The Journal of Theo

In my first post on this blog, I wrote I may share journal entries which would be addressed to God. I often write to God and thought it might be good to share these things with others. I typically feel that it is good to share everything. But I have done some growing and am at a different vantage point to view this idea. The Bible suggests that all things will be brought out into the light. Anyone who has followed the lives of any politician, actor, or pastor who has done wicked things and whose career was destroyed can see how this can be true. Of course, there are those whose personal lives are not known to the vast majority of people. I made a decision early on in life that it is very important to tell the truth. I then set about attempting to do this and it has been extraordinarily hard to attempt to live by this principle all the time. Sometimes people do not want to hear the truth. Sometimes I am afraid of what people would do should I say the truth. Sometimes the truth...

I can't do it anymore. I don't have any hope for the future. Hope is critical. I don't believe in happiness. It has been so long since I have felt it. I have been in pain for so long. I don't believe in goodness. I don't believe in God. I wish there was a God. I'd like to think so. Whatever. I can go on and on but it's all just selfish rambling. Who really cares about me? And if they do care about me, why would they when I don't really care about them? I look at my life and see that I don't really care about people that much. I am often angry at others and have resentment and hatred towards people. I hold grudges all the time - I probably have a million grudges going at any time. Life isn't free. Life is dark. That is what I have found. I have heard of Heaven and want to believe it. But I don't think it's for me. And I haven't been able to prove it. I've just heard stories. The best thing I can tell you is... don...

I am jealous of black people. I am jealous because I have a 4.3 inch penis and they typically have larger penises - a lot larger. They are also more physically capable than I am. They are typically able to jump higher and run faster. Most black men that I have grown up with show a much easier ability to have muscles and impressive physiques. They seem to do this with ease. I believe black people are generally more agile than myself. I am jealous of black people for these reasons and believe these things give them greater confidence with women. Because of these physical attributes, I think they are better off getting women than I am. I think black people are cooler than I am. I could never rap the way that they do and generally feel that that shows a greater wit or a greater ability to think on their feet. Black people tend to be stronger and faster and they also seem to sing better than I can or any other race that I know. I don't know of other people that have as broad a de...

There is something wrong with the sidewalks. -Something wrong with these metal carriages which sit on hot, empty pavement and that barbed wire fence around it all. It bugs me. There is something wrong with the Sears Tower. I never liked it. I don't know what it is. Everyone is speechless. Except for the crazies. Lol. Something is clanging nearby. And something else is rattling. Don't ask me why I think about these things. The Vice President is a little strange. He sounds like he is out for murder. His eyes were hot red that... one time... At least the meeting ended peacefully. What more can you ask for? And the Blue Line is on time again. Nice! I make it to my seat. Thank God there is nobody bothering me. This is the part where I check my phone. Instead, I would rather look out the windows of the car. Oh my God, that jogger almost ran into that guy. I have that bad feeling again. I'm probably being dramatic. I remember that o...