The Journal of Theo

I walked to the pond in the apple orchard to see if it was still there and for other reasons. There are other things I could have done but none of them I wanted to do and it came to the point that I couldn't convince myself of their importance. The pond was there and I tried to remember that I didn't have to be anywhere else and all my thoughts seemed drenched in my surroundings so that I felt a kind of peace. There was no place I had to be, no task I had to complete. I stretched out my hand to touch the top of a dry blade of grass. There was no reason for it, at least none that I could explain. I thought I would find the reason as I did it but even then no reason came. I felt comfort  but suddenly I became afraid of being called lazy. The blade of grass disappeared and so did the pond and all was fear.

Does God want to support me in conducting research on.... The Truth? You'd think, "Yeah, sure." But I have misgivings about it. I mean, it makes sense in a way but I believe strongly that if you're not working your ass off, you're a bad person. In other words, "Go get a job, you leech!" Then I think, "Well, if it's true that you can feel and release certain grief emotions and then heal your body, um, shouldn't we conduct some research and find out?" Don't people get paid lots of money to do research into curing diseases? I was sitting on the toilet and I had a bad thought about my roommate. Then I was like, "Oh no, that probably matters." I mean, unloving feelings and thoughts have real world effects. So then I'm like, "Well, damn it, I should go feel that." But then I thought, I get thoughts like that all the time - not just towards my roommate but my friends, co-workers, acquaintances, family members, bosse...

Think about the human butt. I'm a heterosexual man. I have sexual desires. I look at women and feel certain things. I was told growing up that you are not supposed to look at women. You're not supposed to fantasize about them. You're not supposed to think about them. How the fuck do you do that? Let's qualify that first command: "You're not supposed to look at women." Well, of course you have to look at them sometimes. But I guess it means you're not supposed to look at certain parts of them - the parts that we know are sexual parts. But what are those? What are the sexual parts? Are they the breasts, vagina, buttocks, and legs? That's already quite a bit of a woman's body. So don't look at any of those parts? I did a little experiment where I specifically did not look at those parts of a woman for a bit. I found myself looking at other parts - feet, hair, shoulders. I still noticed a feeling of inexplicable attraction come up inside of me....

Foreword As with many other short stories I have written, this one came to me all at once. It was a powerful story and I knew the ending only dimly. It was only after I came to the end that I saw how meaningful it was and how everything was coming together. I would now explain the writing of this story as driven by spirit influence. It was written about 5 years before I found the Divine Truth teachings. Although I do not believe most of what I've heard, much of it has left such an impression on me, and has been absorbed at least intellectually, and I have reasoned it to be the best information I have yet discovered as to the Truth of God and Ler Universe, that I want to be careful what content I put out. If the messages contained within the stories and essays I put out do not reckon well with the Truths I've heard, I do not feel good. I placed the following story on my blog a while ago, only to take it down with the interest of editing it to reflect my current understanding. Af...

          It’s wrong to blame.           But we do it so often. We blame our children, our friends, our parents, even our leaders.           Instead, we would be better off looking at problems we face and seeking the cause within ourselves. We may not have caused the whole problem but can be sure that our emotional reaction to the event means we played some part in it.           God keeps on bringing events to trigger us, not because Le hates us but because of Ler Love for us.           Let’s grab some headlines from news mediums and see if we can change them.           “Oklahoma nonbinary teen died after school fight amid reported bullying” could be changed to, “What feelings inside me contribute to teens dying in violent fights?”           “Brazil’s Head of State makes ...

         Toyota is coming out with a new truck that's only 10,000 US dollars. Most trucks in America start at about 30,000. Unfortunately, this truck will not be available to Americans although it will be available to most of the rest of the world.          I would love to have a simple truck like that and have to ask myself why it won't be offered in the American market. There may be some laws in place that prevent this, but I suspect that many people would be offended by it. If you look at how large trucks have become in the last 20 years, it verges on insane. Having a little rinky-dink truck manufactured by a well-known brand would disrupt most American's sense of self-importance.          The top 1% of people in the US make about $800,000 a year. Last year I made $20,000. It's easy for me to look at that higher number and complain about what I don't have. It's harder to see all that I do have.    ...